The UNC football program’s public, clownish implosion has provided us with so much sweet, sweet schadenfruede that it has its own SFN category. Neat, huh? It’s almost to the point that nothing can possibly surprise me anymore. And I only say “almost” because of the surreal idiocy and chutzpah spewed by former NC Supreme Court Justice Bob Orr this morning. No, I can’t possibly excerpt it. Read the whole arrogant, stupid, obnoxious thing.
In a state whose politicos of note include Mike Easley, Jim Black, Lauch Faircloth, and “Johnny” Edwards – it takes a lot to stand out as a moron of questionable character. But congratulations, Bob Orr – you’ve done it. In one arrangement of paragraphs (I hesitate to even call it a column), he manages to absolve a blatant cheater of a player, cheater of a coach, and cheater of an athletic program from so much as a scintilla of personal responsibility. It’s apparently not McAdoo’s fault that a non-retarded GROWN MAN would turn in a paper that he cut and pasted from old books and the internet (and still needed the “above and beyond” tutor to do the bibliography for him). Pssst, hey Bob – my daughters did their own bibliographies for a school project last year. In fourth f-cking grade. They also know that they can’t cut and paste Wikipedia articles and pass it off as their own work. Imagine that!
It’s also not Butch Davis’ fault. UNC begged him to take their job. The man is a veritable modern-day Mother Theresa! But no, just because he strove to provide his masters with a winning football program (15-17 in ACC play before several sure-to-be-vacated wins are subtracted – oopsie-daisy)…he suffers on the cross for the sins of the modern college athletics world. Poor, poor Butch. I’m sure it’s no comfort whatsoever that he netted over two and a half million in hush money (about triple what Jim Tressel got), with absolutely no requirement to cooperate with the NCAA investigation (as Tressel must do). He suffers for our sins, brothers.
Oh, and it’s not UNC’s fault, either. Why? Well, because it’s just not, damn it. Bob Orr says so!! I suppose he has fellow worthless sack of monkey shit Bill (“Can’t we all just link arms and move on”) Friday lined up tomorrow to talk about how the UNC scandal reflects a broken set of priorities for everyone…despite the fact that countless other programs (such as…you know…Tom O’Brien at NC State) actually eschew shortcuts and impose real, honest-to-God discipline when rules are broken. I sleep pretty well at night knowing that none of our wins will be vacated. Not that the likes of Orr and Friday won’t probably try some stunt like demanding that all UNC system institutions vacate wins in order to show solidarity for their “brothers” in the broken landscape of major college athletics.
It saddens me to admit that I voted for Bob Orr, multiple times. I’m every bit as ashamed of that as I am that I sported a John Edwards bumper sticker in 1998 (thankfully, I moved to Virginia that September and couldn’t vote for him). But at least I own up to those mistakes, and figured “Johnny’s” phony act out by the time he ran for President. I can only hope I have a similar chance at redemption, and can vote against Bob Orr someday. Although he probably enjoys the perks associated with being one of UNC football’s most prominent “Flat Earthers” too much.
