Wolfpack Finally Finds “Way To Win”

RALEIGH, NC – Just days after a loss in the first round of the ACC tournament ended NC State’s basketball season with a nine game losing streak that ensured a losing record for the year, jubilant Wolfpack basketball players emerged from a players-only meeting and announced that they had finally found the “way to win.”

“Man, I am so relieved,” senior Gavin Grant said. “I mean, nine straight games is tough, especially with everyone relying on me for senior leadership. I’m glad we finally have this turned around.” Wolfpack junior Ben McCauley agreed. “We really had some issues. Now that we’ve talked through them, we feel that we’re ready to take on any team in the country and win.”

Redshirt sophomore Brandon Costner, whose game suffered a noticeable lapse in effectiveness compared to the 2006-2007 season, may be the most happy about the Wolfpack finding the way to win. “It’s certainly been disappointing, losing nine straight games. But we always say that tomorrow is a new day, and I can tell you this: our next opponent is going to have their hands full.” Freshman guard Javier Gonzalez concurred with his teammate: “In my case, finding the way to win meant realizing that turning the ball over to the other team wasn’t really smart point guard play. I mean, that’s the difference between us and, say, Carolina and Duke. We’re just as talented, really, and we’ll show that in our next game now that we’ve found the way to win again.”

Wolfpack freshman J.J. Hickson did not pause to speak with the media after the players gathering broke up, stating only that he had to attend “a meeting with some people” before speeding away in a new Cadillac Escalade with a temporary tag.

Wolfpack head coach Sidney Lowe, notified of the players-only meeting, expressed his gratification. “I must say, though, I’d have been much happier if they’d come to this conclusion during the actual basketball season,” Lowe admitted.

When assistants quietly notified the players that the season was, in fact, over, the team was stunned. “Say what?” Grant said. “But we have this turned around.” Costner too was crestfallen, stating, “Such a wasted potential; we really were finally ready to win. I understand now why the fans were so upset yesterday. Oh, well.”

NC State Director of Athletics Lee Fowler said, “This meeting is just another example of how, under my leadership, NC State is building top-caliber athletic programs. Like some guy once said, never give up. When the ACC thinks ‘champions,’ they think, ‘NC State’. And ‘Lee Fowler’.”