Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

With last night’s loss, it’s pretty clear that NC State will finish 4-12 in ACC play, with no post-season. We will finish last if Virginia wins one of its final four games.

Even so, I managed to watch last night’s game with a relaxed and calm demeanor. I don’t remember so much as a “damn it” coming from my mouth, or a scowl on my face. My 6-year old got pretty exasperated, but I assured her that everything was fine, and I was pretty used to it [losing] by now. This got knowing smiles from the other 2 people on my row.

It made me think about the “stages of grief” – I know almost nothing about psychology, but I do remember Lisa Simpson talking to Bart about it. I thought there were four, but turns out there are five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Thanks, Wikipedia!

There was lots of denial during the non-conference games. Sure, I could see that there were problems, but we worked through them to win the Old Spice Classic, and swept the key stretch of games (Davidson, Cincy, Seton Hall) to mostly make up for debacles against New Orleans and East Carolina.

Then, anger. It definitely flared up when we lost to ECU, but that stage didn’t really begin until the Clemson game. For me, it peaked right after the home loss to Georgia Tech, which I noted was completely unacceptable. Many of my fellow Wolfpackers were still in denial, but here’s what I said:

Forget this happy crap. We just LOST AT HOME to an 8-9 team. We committed 18 turnovers and let our opponent shoot 59 percent from the field. That’s inexcusable. Full rant will be posted later.

I’m sorry, but I’ve had it up to here with sucking or near-sucking in every revenue sport, almost every single damned year.

Time would prove me right, with the Bees sitting at 4-8 in ACC play, 11-15 overall.

Next came bargaining. I point to my “path to 8-8” post. It seemed logical on its face, and laid out an “acceptable” path to make everything OK. Maybe not what we’d hoped in the preseason, but things would be mostly back on track. Was I fooling myself? Damn right. I didn’t even entertain the possibility of what actually happened over the next 6 games.

Then came depression – second half of the Maryland game and the meltdown at Boston College. Excruciating games to watch. It wasn’t mathematically impossible to get back on my “path”, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen. There was still some anger, but mostly I just hung my head. I wrote off the 2007-08 season, and subconsciously started laying the groundwork for Stage Five.

And there I was at the RBC last night – fully immersed in acceptance. Let us know how your process is going in the comments.

About BJD95

1995 NC State graduate, sufferer of Les and MOC during my entire student tenure. An equal-opportunity objective critic and analyst of Wolfpack sports.

07-08 Basketball NCS Basketball Sidney Lowe

256 Responses to Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

  1. Noah 02/29/2008 at 11:08 AM #

    “How many were fired after 2 seasons?”

    Head coaches? Ever? I have no idea. What difference does it make?

  2. marybethrizalucy 02/29/2008 at 11:08 AM #

    I want to know how we go about forcing Oblinger to fire Fowler? If he does not have the balls to do so then I think we should demand the resignation of Oblinger. As we all know it is not just football and basketball; it is the entire atletic program. We are the worst and the laughing stock of the ACC. What the f does it take for something to change? Somebody please help me or give me advice on what to do so we can get better. I am going to an O’Brien event March 10th and I am tempted to embarass myself and my family when we are there. This is not the time to be saying we can get beter. This is the time to rise up and kick Fowler’s ass out of NCSU forever. By the way as crazy as all this sounds, I was a huge Herb supporter and was very sad when he left but I think Sidney needs a couple of years to show us what he can or cannot do! If he can’t then he needs to go! And I just dare Fowler to fire Sidney…

  3. blackdom 02/29/2008 at 11:08 AM #

    Hey lets hire Sampson he can use my cell too.

  4. Noah 02/29/2008 at 11:11 AM #

    “That changed forever my thoughts when I hear the song “Sister Christian.” Kind of like “Stuck in the Middle w/ You” in Reservoir Dogs.

    I’d add “The Departed” and “Dazed and Confused” to movies w/ great soundtracks.”

    I think most filmmkers credit Scorcese for making the soundtrack an actual character. He didn’t really do it in Taxi Driver, but Mean Streets sort of set the tone for it.

    I remember reading an essay on PT Anderson where they talked about how talented a filmmaker you have to be to make both Jessie’s Girl and Sister Christian COOL.

    The amazing thing about that scene is how he does it with Alfred Molina (the guy from the original Raiders of the Lost Ark who won’t throw Indiana Jones the whip) freebasing cocaine and a two-minute closeup of Marky Mark zoning out on the couch.

  5. Noah 02/29/2008 at 11:13 AM #

    “I want to know how we go about forcing Oblinger to fire Fowler? If he does not have the balls to do so then I think we should demand the resignation of Oblinger.”

    First…you start a pig farm.

    Or travel back in time and be the guy who developed and sold the land inside the beltline.

  6. PackGirl 02/29/2008 at 11:17 AM #

    I am not ready to give up on Sid yet although I am dissappointed with some of his recent comments. He has had a very very rough year personally and would have to be super human to not let it affect him at all. I read in the N&O this morning that his father died in August. So he has had to deal with a very serious situation with his son (which is probably not resolved yet), his Dad’s death, and now his Mom with a heart attack. I hope and pray she recuperates fully.

  7. marybethrizalucy 02/29/2008 at 11:18 AM #

    Noah, thanks for making me laugh but is it really that impossible to get rid of Fowler? Does only one old farmer with a ton of many control everything at State? Never mind I know the answer to my own question. I can think of other ways to get rid of Fowler but I will not post them:)

  8. packgrad93 02/29/2008 at 11:18 AM #

    “Head coaches? Ever? I have no idea. What difference does it make?”

    because no AD would fire a new head coach after 2 seasons without waiting to see what he could or could not achieve. 2 years isn’t enough time to know much.

  9. choppack1 02/29/2008 at 11:20 AM #

    Noah – I actually thought about adding Mean Streets to my list. Yes, I have 7 HBO’s.

    Mary – I think you ask the $1 million dollar question. If Oblinger is OK w/ our athletic department as it is, you can conclude one of the 3 things:
    1) He doesn’t care too much about NC State athletics as long as programs are clean and academics are good.
    2) He doesn’t demand excellence in anything, he just wants happy direct reports.
    3) He’s an idiot who doesn’t know good from bad.

    BJD: #1 is pretty much correct.

  10. wufpup76 02/29/2008 at 11:23 AM #

    redfred, sweet jumper, swordfish – thanks for your kind comments

    i hope we can throw out some kind comments about the team sometime soon!

  11. Noah 02/29/2008 at 11:28 AM #

    “He doesn’t care too much about NC State athletics as long as programs are clean and academics are good.”

    I believe that is the case.

  12. choppack1 02/29/2008 at 11:55 AM #

    Noah – that wouldn’t surprise me. I just hope he’s well on his way to making us the “Harvard” of the UNC School system. If not, we need something to hang our hats on.

    “because no AD would fire a new head coach after 2 seasons without waiting to see what he could or could not achieve. 2 years isn’t enough time to know much.”

    This may be true, but it doesn’t make it smart or good policy. Of course, Kelvin Sampson was just canned after 1.5 years, but he wasn’t canned for his coaching skills.

    So, let’s say that the proverbial worst case scenario continues after b’ball season ends – what do you do then? What if the players march into the office of the AD and say “We’re not learning anything, things are crazy, some of us are leaving for greener pastures rather than stay here.” If you’ve got that in year 2, do you show the players the door – even if it’s a combo of Horner, Costner and Smith effectively leaving us no big men for next year. Do you break the precious 2 year rule then?

    Things look awful right now – as bad as they’ve looked since year 5 of Sendek. But in year 5, we had a top notch recruiting class coming in which did totally alter the results we had the previous 4 years. Right now, we have a 2 man class w/ no one in the Top 100.

  13. JT 02/29/2008 at 12:02 PM #

    “This is not about loyalty. This is not about throwing anyone under the proverbial bus. This is about recognizing that someone is in over their head and can only fail.”

    That last bit “can only fail” is way too indicative of many State fans’ desparate mindset. No way can that judgment be made at this point. He might fail, but he might do great. We’ll find out soon enough by actual results, not speculation. The results this year blew, but like I’ve said, I’d rather have some sort of growing pains or a failed experiment than any more of Herb Sendek-like successful mediocrity. Herb was in over his head at State. Most coaches are in the ACC.
    I got faith in Sid. And O’Brien. I think the future will show that Fowler lucked up with both of these guys. And I’m definitely a 4 year guy. With Sid, I’ll give him 6.

  14. packgrad93 02/29/2008 at 12:08 PM #

    from PP: “NC State signee C.J. Williams scored 28 points and grabbed nine rebounds to lead Fayetteville Jack Britt past Raleigh Wakefield 56-46.
    Williams hit 9-of-16 shots, including 3-of-6 from behind the 3-point line, and he also knocked down 7-of-10 free throws. He added nine rebounds, four steals, a block, and an assist”

  15. marybethrizalucy 02/29/2008 at 12:11 PM #

    I would say things look as bad as Les Robinson’s last year as head coach. Then we promote him to AD as if to be rewarded for his “amazing” coaching skills. I would be fine if this summer Costner, Fells, McCauley, and Horner all left. They are a bunch of pathetic, overrated, crybabies. Let the players who know how to fight to win play. Hey Ferguson has probably worked harder than anyone on that team ever since he started playing basketball just to get where he is today-which is mostly on the bench. I don’t care if we have to play with a bunch of freaking walk-ons, just get people out there that are willing to fight and play hard to win. These supposed All-Americans that we have on our team cannot even pass or catch the ball and we are going to blame that on Sidney? The main thing I blame on Sidney is letting Gavin Grant open his spastic, no-talent mouth in pre-season and say we were only going to lose four games. Sidney cannot make these players intelligent, he can only recruit them. We have Herb’s leftovers and as much as I liked Herb I will say that he definitely has recruited quite a few dumbasses.

  16. packgrad93 02/29/2008 at 12:23 PM #

    ^ nice 🙁

  17. redfred2 02/29/2008 at 12:40 PM #

    marybethrizalucy, you had me at, “…as much as I liked Herb…”

  18. marybethrizalucy 02/29/2008 at 12:50 PM #

    I can’t deny it, I did, but I am glad that we have moved on to a supposedly more exciting offense and better overall style of play. If that is what you want to call what we see on the court. Whatever I am frustrated. Back to my original post: Oblinger fire Fowler if not resign and we better get someone in there that will.

  19. blackdom 02/29/2008 at 12:57 PM #

    marybethrizalucy: exciting??? you really have to get out more.
    Hey I feel bad Sid has had personal problems and hope all goes well,but it is his job he is getting paid and as grownups we have to move on.

  20. redfred2 02/29/2008 at 12:58 PM #

    ^Um, that was supposed to be a joke up there.

    OK, so we should be lucky as for Oblinger to fire LF, then after that, who fires Oblinger? Those guys are two peas in a pod. If either one of them says even anything slighty derogatory about the other, then they are effectively their ownselves in the foot.

  21. Noah 02/29/2008 at 1:07 PM #

    Why does Oblinger need to be fired? Athletics shouldn’t be part of his job. They’re this teeny tiny little part of what a college is supposed to be about. The athletic department receives no collegiate funds (I don’t think). It would be like firing Oblinger because you didn’t like the state of the current frat system or the layout of the yearbook.

  22. cjt 02/29/2008 at 1:11 PM #

    Being as objective as possible there is no way anyone can believe that Sid has done even a decent job of coaching this season. I have accepted our position and truly now just hope we can finish the season without losing all remaining games. I believe that Sid, although not the best x’s and o’s guy, is going to be able to get it done if he can get the right guys here. Every successful coach gets successful by bringing in quality players OR by having quality players already there to work with. Sid and staff blew it on the guards in their first class, but did well with the bigs. The potential future for Sid will be at the Duke game according to PP and others when Lorenzo Brown and possibly Wall take visits.

    Even though this season is lost and we are all frustrated…landing these guys could be the key to years of success. Its up to all wolfpack fans to do whatever it takes to get these guys here. Cheer hard stay off Lowe and hopefully our boys will be up for it and the future will sign with us.

  23. marybethrizalucy 02/29/2008 at 1:16 PM #

    Thank you refred2. Yes blackdom I was being freaking sarcastic. Maybe YOU need to get out more. Sidney will get at least next year and then if we are in the same predicament he will be fired and then maybe God will strike down both Oblinger and Fowler:) I say this because most of my fellow State fans make it seem as if it is going to take an act from God.

  24. Noah 02/29/2008 at 1:29 PM #

    I’m not sure if I’m the most anti-Lowe State fan or not…but even among the dues-paying members of the Lowe-Hating Hate Club Haters, we all recognize that Lowe WILL get at least two more years. We are opposed to this…but we know it will happen.

  25. packbackr04 02/29/2008 at 1:39 PM #

    has anyone seen the kevin Borseth clip yet? he is the michigan womens coach… WOW. maybe we can get him to come and teach our guys to get offensive rebounds! he was, ahem, pretty animated. he might have a heart attack if he saw our guys’ play much less our offensive rebounding.

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