Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

With last night’s loss, it’s pretty clear that NC State will finish 4-12 in ACC play, with no post-season. We will finish last if Virginia wins one of its final four games.

Even so, I managed to watch last night’s game with a relaxed and calm demeanor. I don’t remember so much as a “damn it” coming from my mouth, or a scowl on my face. My 6-year old got pretty exasperated, but I assured her that everything was fine, and I was pretty used to it [losing] by now. This got knowing smiles from the other 2 people on my row.

It made me think about the “stages of grief” – I know almost nothing about psychology, but I do remember Lisa Simpson talking to Bart about it. I thought there were four, but turns out there are five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Thanks, Wikipedia!

There was lots of denial during the non-conference games. Sure, I could see that there were problems, but we worked through them to win the Old Spice Classic, and swept the key stretch of games (Davidson, Cincy, Seton Hall) to mostly make up for debacles against New Orleans and East Carolina.

Then, anger. It definitely flared up when we lost to ECU, but that stage didn’t really begin until the Clemson game. For me, it peaked right after the home loss to Georgia Tech, which I noted was completely unacceptable. Many of my fellow Wolfpackers were still in denial, but here’s what I said:

Forget this happy crap. We just LOST AT HOME to an 8-9 team. We committed 18 turnovers and let our opponent shoot 59 percent from the field. That’s inexcusable. Full rant will be posted later.

I’m sorry, but I’ve had it up to here with sucking or near-sucking in every revenue sport, almost every single damned year.

Time would prove me right, with the Bees sitting at 4-8 in ACC play, 11-15 overall.

Next came bargaining. I point to my “path to 8-8” post. It seemed logical on its face, and laid out an “acceptable” path to make everything OK. Maybe not what we’d hoped in the preseason, but things would be mostly back on track. Was I fooling myself? Damn right. I didn’t even entertain the possibility of what actually happened over the next 6 games.

Then came depression – second half of the Maryland game and the meltdown at Boston College. Excruciating games to watch. It wasn’t mathematically impossible to get back on my “path”, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen. There was still some anger, but mostly I just hung my head. I wrote off the 2007-08 season, and subconsciously started laying the groundwork for Stage Five.

And there I was at the RBC last night – fully immersed in acceptance. Let us know how your process is going in the comments.

About BJD95

1995 NC State graduate, sufferer of Les and MOC during my entire student tenure. An equal-opportunity objective critic and analyst of Wolfpack sports.

07-08 Basketball NCS Basketball Sidney Lowe

256 Responses to Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

  1. BAC79 02/29/2008 at 8:00 AM #

    Wolfonthehill hit the nail on the head.

  2. Sweet jumper 02/29/2008 at 8:05 AM #

    wufpup76–I hope your gut feeling about Tracy Smith is wrong. He has incredible potential, I feel that he possesses the best rebounding fundamentals on the team.

    As I said earlier, I am in acceptance now, but I do not like it. This season really turned into a cluster quickly. There were early warning signs, but I drank the kool aid and bought into the unrealistic expectations of the media and many other Pack fans. I hope that we do not lay down against Duke Saturday. When they push, we need to push back even if everyone fouls out. If the refs let Duke get away with murder as usual and call us for touch fouls, I want to see Sid get T’d up big time and let the zebras have it–pull of the red blazer and throw it out on the floor; get in K’s face if wanders too far down the sideline and monopolizes the refs’ time. GO PACK!

  3. Sw0rdf1sh 02/29/2008 at 8:11 AM #

    I agree Wufpup…good thoughts.

    I’m way past acceptance. I’m afraid we are going to lose Hickson this year and maybe Costner too. It looks like we won’t have the pleasure of redshirts the next year or two either.

    I hope we don’t lose Smith as I agree that he has great potential for us and should be on the court more.

  4. BoKnowsNCS71 02/29/2008 at 8:20 AM #

    I think I am at the level of acceptance.

    Acceptance that we are going to have another miserable year next year too. And in 2 years maybe we will be average.

    Acceptance that the masterminds and rich donors are killing our program by meddling constantly in it.

    Acceptance that most fans want to churn coaches looking for the silver bullet coach who can walk in and work magic and a miracle with these recruits.

    Acceptance that we need to give Sidney at least 2 more years to either prove he can do it or prove he can’t coach.

    Acceptance that the RBC is never going to full for home games becaue the product on the floor is embarassing — stupid turnonvers, no defense, dribbling the ball off our feet with unforced errors and looking at times like the guys who play against the GLobetrotters.

    Acceptance that the legacy of firing coach V has brought not several decades of mediocrity, poor coaching, and non-competitiveness to a once proud program on the upswing.

    Acceptance that with all this I still love the Wolfpack but just can’t watch the games anymore. Football is on the way back up but I still remember that sinking feeling in the first haldf of the UCF game last year where the team looked like one of Will Ferrell’s movies in the first half and I was sorely tempted to just go home.

    At my age and being a long time fan — I just can’t live and die with every game. I tend to look at it from a management perspective. If the Pack was a car — it would be gas guzzler, old style, and unreliable — So how does on make it competitive with the Mercedes/Lexus programs? Or for that matter — the VW programs we used to beat. We need the vision of a Lee Iaccoca — not a Lee Fowler.

  5. Sweet jumper 02/29/2008 at 8:36 AM #

    Google ads for Funeral Home, Dealing with Grief, Expert Psychotherapy. That is funny!

  6. Noah 02/29/2008 at 8:58 AM #

    I’m still curious why it takes four years to determine whether or not someone is a good coach. It might take four years to actually BUILD a good program, but it really should NOT take that long to determine whether or not the coach knows what he’s doing.

    In two years, has Sidney Lowe shown the slightest inclination that he can coach defense? No.

    In two years, has Sidney Lowe shown the slightest inclination that he understands how to install an offense? No.

    In two years, has he shown he can manage the players? No.

    In two years, has he shown he can evaluate talent? No.

    In two years, has he shown he has a good set of priorities? (S&C, academics, personal development?) Absolutely not.

    So….what is it we are waiting for?

  7. choppack1 02/29/2008 at 9:14 AM #

    Noah – As someone who has been very critical of Sidney, I think your criticism is a little over the top. Last year, the offense looked good – when we won, looked bad in most games that we lost (sound familiar?)

    I have serious doubts about Sidney AND Towe AND Strickland – all 3 of these guys had losing records as head coaches.

    Regarding the academics – of what do you speak? As far as I know, all of the players are eligible and no one is in danger right now.

    Regarding Smith – I hope he doesn’t leave. He’s one of the few bright spots these last games. If he’s packing, Lowe doesn’t need a 4th year. (Heck, the way we’ve collapsed this year, I’m not sure he needs a 4th year.)

    I guess if I was AD/Chancellor – I’d fire Towe and Strickland. Have Sidney bring in quality and proven assistants. It’s worth noting that Herb’s tenure was mired in a very similar place to where we are now until he brought in Larry Hunter.

    BJD: This makes sense to me, too. The parallels to Sendek’s fifth year are fairly striking. However, there are rumblings that make me sympathetic to the noah worldview as well – which is why I’m taking somewhat of a noncommital attitude at this point.

  8. packgrad93 02/29/2008 at 9:29 AM #

    Noah, you’re giving NCSU fans a bad rep, give it a break already. Sid isn’t going anywhere anytime soon so pipe down. We know very little about the man’s coaching skills, give him time to show us what he can do. He coached inthe NBA for 15 years, he knows a little something about the game.

    SFN: Noah’s voice is welcome here, as is yours. Lay off the personal stuff. Thanks.

  9. JT 02/29/2008 at 9:36 AM #

    I’d like folks to remember one thing- this is Sidney Lowe we’re discussing. If someone wants to throw him under the bus after one crappy year, then I don’t see how they’re true Wolfpack fans. He deserves better. I got faith in the man.

    BJD: This is one of the reasons I worried about hiring an alum – we need to be as objective as possible in judging coaching performance.

  10. Rochester 02/29/2008 at 9:39 AM #

    ^pg93, I want to believe you’re right. But there is also quite a long list of coaches who were successful in either the NBA or college, but not both. Knowing the NBA and knowing the college game are two very different things. Knowing professional athletes and knowing amateurs are very different things. They have different motivations. If Sidney can figure out the differences next year, he’s got a chance to be successful. Thus far I think he’s still struggling with the differences, and the results are obvious.

    If multiple players leave this offseason because they didn’t feel Lowe got them that will be a bad, bad sign. If they leave because they didn’t think they would play (i.e. Horner), that’s different.

  11. choppack1 02/29/2008 at 9:48 AM #

    JT -Just curious as to what your faith is based upon.
    Is it based on Sid’s stellar record as an NBA head coach?

    Is it based upon his assistant tenure w/ the NBA pistons (w/ Flip Saunders, not when they won the NBA championship.)

    Is it based upon his knowledge and experience coaching college basketball?

    Your faith is blind right now – and you need to realize this. We are once again in “Trust me” mode. We have no reason whatsoever to believe that things will get better and Sidney will get it done. I’m not saying it can’t happen or that he should be fired, but a cold, calculated view of the program right now does nothing to encourage me about our future.

    BJD – When you talk about rumblings, are you talking about rumblings about the performance of the staff (no need for specifics) or are you talking about the rumblings from highly placed alumni that change may be needed ASAP.

  12. ktoh 02/29/2008 at 9:57 AM #

    Sid feel into his nba gigs……….and was not very sucessfull either.

  13. Noah 02/29/2008 at 10:12 AM #

    “We know very little about the man’s coaching skills, give him time to show us what he can do. He coached inthe NBA for 15 years, he knows a little something about the game.”

    First…this is a discussion board. As long as Sidney Lowe is stinking up the sidelines, I’m going to be critical of him. You really should not have to be told that this is why this very board exists.

    Secondly, you’re contradicting yourself. You can’t claim that we don’t know anything about his coaching skills and then turn right around and say that he’s coached in the NBA, so that proves he’s a good coach.

    Third, as I mentioned above, I think you know everything you need to know about his coaching skills. If you want to argue that his basketball program development skills have yet to shine through, you’ve might have a point. But you’ve had all the time you need to evaluate his coaching skills…and if you can’t develop an opinion by now, you shouldn’t make the mistake of assuming the rest of us share your problem.

    Fourth, tenure in the NBA is indicative of nothing. Bob Staak has been coaching in the NBA for about two decades. Want to hire him? He knows a thing or two about basketball.

  14. Noah 02/29/2008 at 10:18 AM #

    “I’d like folks to remember one thing- this is Sidney Lowe we’re discussing. If someone wants to throw him under the bus after one crappy year, then I don’t see how they’re true Wolfpack fans. He deserves better. I got faith in the man.”

    Like Les Robinson? Hey…Les and Mike O’Cain were two of the absolute best people on the planet. Both of them represent the absolute very best personal qualities you’d want in humans, let alone coaches.

    This is not about loyalty. This is not about throwing anyone under the proverbial bus. This is about recognizing that someone is in over their head and can only fail.

  15. Par Shooter 02/29/2008 at 10:20 AM #

    If Sid had enjoyed some modicum of success in the nba then I may feel slightly better. At this point his numbers indicate that he is a better college head coach than he was in the pros. I had to cringe as I typed that.

  16. packgrad93 02/29/2008 at 10:21 AM #

    “First…this is a discussion board. As long as Sidney Lowe is stinking up the sidelines, I’m going to be critical of him. You really should not have to be told that this is why this very board exists.”

    feel free to continue to make NCSU fans look bad, it’s your right.

    “Secondly, you’re contradicting yourself. You can’t claim that we don’t know anything about his coaching skills and then turn right around and say that he’s coached in the NBA, so that proves he’s a good coach.”

    I said he has coached in the NBA so he knows bball, we’ll see if he’s a good coach.

    “But you’ve had all the time you need to evaluate his coaching skills”

    1.5 seasons? With no PG most of the time. Are you kidding me?

  17. Noah 02/29/2008 at 10:33 AM #

    “1.5 seasons? With no PG most of the time. Are you kidding me?”

    Yes, it’s all an extremely elaborate joke designed to solely punk you. Damn, you got me.

    As I said, if you can’t tell that there’s a monumental problem by now, that’s a YP, not an MP.

    (I always relish the chance to quote Boogie Nights)

  18. BJD95 02/29/2008 at 10:37 AM #

    Boogie Nights was one hell of a movie. Great use of music – think Boogie Nights and “O Brother, Where Art Thou” utilized music better than any other movie of the past decade.

  19. packgrad93 02/29/2008 at 10:39 AM #

    “As I said, if you can’t tell that there’s a monumental problem by now, that’s a YP, not an MP.”

    guess you thought K couldn’t coach after 1.5 seasons either huh?

  20. choppack1 02/29/2008 at 10:54 AM #

    packgrad93 – I wasn’t a Duke fan. Of course, Coach K did have college basketball coaching experience as a HC and as an assistant coach. He did have Bobby Knight – at the time the most successful coach since John Wooden – tell the Duke AD “he has all my best qualities and not as many of my bad ones.” He didn’t have a miserable record as an NBA head coach…nor did 2 of his assistants.

    Don’t you wish UNC stuck w/ Matt Doherty? Why in the heck did Wake dump Coach Caldwell? I’d love for Bobby Cremins to still be at GaTech? I can’t remember the football coach UMd had (Krivak??) before the fridge, but I wish he was till there.

    The bottom line, any time a coach stinks, someone trots out Coach K or Frank Beamer or Bill Bellicheck at Cleveland or Pete Carrol whereever he coached…No one mentions Les Robinson, Buzz Peterson, Bob Staak (whom I think there’s a very good comparison to our current situation), Rich Kotite, Jerry Seifert, John Bunting, Larry Coker, Steve Lavin…If you’re lucky, (and I use that term very loosely)in most cases, you’ll enter up like someone like Sendek or MOC, who engineers a half-decent turnaround, but fractures your fan base.

    This line of thinking basically says that every coach deserves 5 years unless he’s caught w/ a dead girl or a live boy – and I just don’t buy it.

  21. Noah 02/29/2008 at 10:56 AM #

    “guess you thought K couldn’t coach after 1.5 seasons either huh?”

    Once again, we’re talking about YOU-problems. As I’ve said in at least three other threads, I could tell (as could just about everyone else) very early that K was going to succeed at Dook. It wasn’t hard.

    Likewise, I vividly remember watching one of Roy Williams first games at Kansas and being stunned at how good the guy who ran the JV squad at Chapel Hill was. They were on probation, had none of the talent left from the championship squad, and they were running Dean Smith’s motion offense to perfection. They weren’t very good and got their asses kicked a lot that year, but you could see that Williams was going to be a star.

    Bobby Knight, in 1986, wasn’t a bad coach. IU had a pretty miserable year and Knight had his share of problems (particularly with chairs at Purdue), but it wasn’t like he was a great coach one year, a crappy one the next, and a great coach the next year when they won the national title.

    I don’t care how many games we win or lose this year. Or next year. I accept that Lowe took over a team that was ill-prepared for the ACC. I accept that it takes time to build a program and that we were caught in transition. I’m fine with all of that.

    But when I watch us on offense and we’re running these horrible, idiotic NBA sets where three guys stand around doing NOTHING and I watch our pathetic efforts on defense, and I see this EVERY GAME, I don’t have to wait for half a decade to render a verdict.

    I’m trying very hard to be as sympathetic as I can. I accept that you can’t see this, you’ve made that very clear. But your myopia is not shared by everyone around you. If we accomplish nothing else today, let us at least agree on that.

  22. Noah 02/29/2008 at 10:57 AM #

    ” think Boogie Nights and “O Brother, Where Art Thou” utilized music better than any other movie of the past decade.”

    Goodfellas

  23. packgrad93 02/29/2008 at 10:59 AM #

    How many were fired after 2 seasons?

  24. choppack1 02/29/2008 at 11:05 AM #

    “Boogie Nights was one hell of a movie. Great use of music – think Boogie Nights and “O Brother, Where Art Thou” utilized music better than any other movie of the past decade.”

    That changed forever my thoughts when I hear the song “Sister Christian.” Kind of like “Stuck in the Middle w/ You” in Reservoir Dogs.

    I’d add “The Departed” and “Dazed and Confused” to movies w/ great soundtracks.

  25. ktoh 02/29/2008 at 11:06 AM #

    Yes please get off the K comparasions please…… after his 1.5 seasons yes they were losing but he was also building a program,system and was recruiting the RIGHT people to impliment his system. We are not duke nor do I want us to be……….but if you remeber back when he started he weeded out the rift raff and they did hustle,compete,play solid fundementals as well.
    Lack of talent is obvious a lack of effort is inexcusable,and for Sid at this stage of the game place all the blame on the players is a disgrace. I would not have minded if he came out with this statement in dec even.Hell I am up in Mass. and saw this coming (well not this bad) Losing I am used to it but give me one solid reason that if we keep Sid around how do we improve?

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