Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

With last night’s loss, it’s pretty clear that NC State will finish 4-12 in ACC play, with no post-season. We will finish last if Virginia wins one of its final four games.

Even so, I managed to watch last night’s game with a relaxed and calm demeanor. I don’t remember so much as a “damn it” coming from my mouth, or a scowl on my face. My 6-year old got pretty exasperated, but I assured her that everything was fine, and I was pretty used to it [losing] by now. This got knowing smiles from the other 2 people on my row.

It made me think about the “stages of grief” – I know almost nothing about psychology, but I do remember Lisa Simpson talking to Bart about it. I thought there were four, but turns out there are five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Thanks, Wikipedia!

There was lots of denial during the non-conference games. Sure, I could see that there were problems, but we worked through them to win the Old Spice Classic, and swept the key stretch of games (Davidson, Cincy, Seton Hall) to mostly make up for debacles against New Orleans and East Carolina.

Then, anger. It definitely flared up when we lost to ECU, but that stage didn’t really begin until the Clemson game. For me, it peaked right after the home loss to Georgia Tech, which I noted was completely unacceptable. Many of my fellow Wolfpackers were still in denial, but here’s what I said:

Forget this happy crap. We just LOST AT HOME to an 8-9 team. We committed 18 turnovers and let our opponent shoot 59 percent from the field. That’s inexcusable. Full rant will be posted later.

I’m sorry, but I’ve had it up to here with sucking or near-sucking in every revenue sport, almost every single damned year.

Time would prove me right, with the Bees sitting at 4-8 in ACC play, 11-15 overall.

Next came bargaining. I point to my “path to 8-8” post. It seemed logical on its face, and laid out an “acceptable” path to make everything OK. Maybe not what we’d hoped in the preseason, but things would be mostly back on track. Was I fooling myself? Damn right. I didn’t even entertain the possibility of what actually happened over the next 6 games.

Then came depression – second half of the Maryland game and the meltdown at Boston College. Excruciating games to watch. It wasn’t mathematically impossible to get back on my “path”, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen. There was still some anger, but mostly I just hung my head. I wrote off the 2007-08 season, and subconsciously started laying the groundwork for Stage Five.

And there I was at the RBC last night – fully immersed in acceptance. Let us know how your process is going in the comments.

About BJD95

1995 NC State graduate, sufferer of Les and MOC during my entire student tenure. An equal-opportunity objective critic and analyst of Wolfpack sports.

07-08 Basketball NCS Basketball Sidney Lowe

256 Responses to Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

  1. VaWolf82 02/28/2008 at 7:10 PM #

    I reached “acceptance” much faster than most…probably because I didn’t build any sort of expectations without ever seeing any of the PGs play.

    I reached “deeply concerned” after UNO, ECU, and the MSU blowout. By the halfway point of the season, I realized that 8-8 was the absolute best we could realistically hope for. After the BC game, I figured the season was over and begin to prepare for the worst…..good thing too, because it looks like “worst” is here.

  2. 44legend 02/28/2008 at 7:10 PM #

    with Lo Brown coming this weekend, help could be approaching fast…hang in there guys

  3. PackGirl 02/28/2008 at 7:25 PM #

    I’ve been through all the stages and am now cylcing thru for a second time at the “anger” stage. Only this time I am angry at Sid for the scapegoating he’s been doing lately. First it was Degand’s injury, now it is the entire starting 5. (by the way, what did Javi do to get himslef benched for nearly the whole game? I know he missed a couple open shots early on, but is that a reason to bench him? He was giving a lot of effort overall.)

    The team I’m pulling for now is whomever is playing Duke or UNC. That is mostly driven by hatred of Hansblo and Paulus. Paulus barreled into Causey so hard last night he got a concussion – with no call on Paulus, as usual. Get ready for a nasty one on Sat.

  4. werncstate 02/28/2008 at 7:55 PM #

    Acceptance stage for me. I thought I was there after losing to Boston College, but that dang denial stage creeped back in before the Virginia game. After that loss acceptance was etched in stone. Perhaps that is why I was actually able to have a few chuckles last night at the Florida State game. I will be attending the Duke game with my 9 year old grand nephew who just happens to be a Duke fan. Should be tons of entertainment. I wonder how many balls the dookies will be able to get their hands on against State. I bet it will be ballicious.

  5. Primewolf 02/28/2008 at 8:11 PM #

    I think Acceptance set in at the BC or UVA games. I didn’t even yell much last night at the game. It was amazing how the crowd exploded when someone hit a shot when we were down by 20. I was laughing at things I didn’t think I could laugh at, now that is Acceptance+++.

    My observations are the players are totally lost out there. I have to go with poor coaching. Now there is some pure low BB IQ on the court and pure lazy (JJ is just awful on defense, doesn’t even know where he is and is still an absolute sucker for a head fake. Man, I learned in HS ball not to go for the head fake).

    But the coaching or lack thereof is clear to anyone looking at the situation. The team has gotten worse, not better.

    Lowes rotation of players is random choice. He likes to yell at guys as they come to the timeouts, for public show, in my opinion. I would love to compare his practice sessions to those of Ks, put it on U tube. He needs to go to BB camp this summer and learn how to coach college kids the college game.

    The offense is atrocious against zone defenses, worst that a good high school team. I bet other coaches laugh when they study our game film, just use a pop-out zone, smother JJ and win by 20.

    I feel for the players. Most have not quit at all, some are out shape, but they all are at a lost on the court. Before Acceptance, I thought the players were trying, but I don’t buy that at all. They want to win, but don’t have a good system or technique. Now even if Lowe were perfect, we would have lost quite a few games with the guard play we have, but we still should have won 9 or more ACC games given the pathetic nature of the league’s lower 9 teams.

    Just sayin’ we are in a mess with our current AD, Chancellor, and BOT. They just don’t realize how they are slowly taking the last breath out of the wolfpack nation. Who would want to send your kid to NC State to such an incompetent administration. There is no fight or fire or enthusiasm anywhere to be seen when your school can’t compete in 80% of the college sports they are in. How could we be this fucked up???

  6. howlie 02/28/2008 at 8:31 PM #

    Interesting comments by several ^ who have mentioned Sid not taking ‘ownership’ for his own culpability in all this.

    I’ve been mystified by our downward death march for a month, and somewhere between furious and confused as to why Sid hasn’t addressed what’s been happening right in front of his eyes week after week after week.

    I truly believe Sid is a great coach with great capabilities, but I think [after some time of wondering about the current team’s woes] that things are going on in Sid’s life that have kept him from getting the objective, ‘view from the balcony’ of what’s really happening in the ‘long vista view’ of this team. That ability to ‘step back and take an overview’ of the condition of the program can be hard if there’s a furious schedule and tons of other distracting personal matters.

    For whatever reason, I think Sid has been so inundated in challenges in many areas of his life that things are all just now ‘coming home’ to his realization. Though I expected it a month ago, I’m happy to finally see him go to either Trevor or Tracy or even the water boy [if that’s what it takes] to send a signal that he won’t tolerate lack of effort by the starters. And FINALLY he’s called out ‘golden-boy JJ’ for lack of defensive effort, etc.

    I’m truly sorry for whatever ‘behind-the-scenes challenges’ that Sid must be addressing, and look forward to better days ahead–as I’m sure he does. The rest of this year is, unfortunately, just going to be more newsreel footage of a bad thing gone horrible.

    We just need to pray for Sid and know things must get better ahead. They have to.

  7. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 8:45 PM #

    First and foremost, the names should come off the back of the uniforms, IMO. Play for the name on the front, not the name on the back…this team has not done that ALL year.

  8. redfred2 02/28/2008 at 8:59 PM #

    Disillusioned.

  9. For85 02/28/2008 at 9:16 PM #

    I think I go through most of the stages in every game we lose. Sometimes the stages take a little longer to get past, but last night I was into acceptance about 6 minutes in.

  10. turnoffthetv 02/28/2008 at 9:26 PM #

    Denial-After New Orleans game

    Anger-After 13 point effort in 1st half of UNC Game

    Bargaining- after Miami Win

    Depression-After Boston College game(Almost killed two birds with one stone here by almost accepting but acceptance would have to wait just a little bit longer)

    Acceptance-During UVA game when I started laughing at the same sh** I had been in denial about, angry about, bargaining about, depressed about for so long. I can’t recall the exact play during the game but I remember laughing and it snowballed into more laughter as the game progressed.

  11. OwenDorm83 02/28/2008 at 10:24 PM #

    I think I pretty much agree with the first comment in the string… Acceptance for me. I actually caught myself doing the math in the first half and thinking we may challenge whatever team it was that only scored in the high teens or early 20s for the entire game once this season (can’t remember who it was).

    Ferg and Smith looked good.

    Boy, we stink…

  12. jwrenn29 02/28/2008 at 10:27 PM #

    I’m at the “maybe Lee Fowler actually works for Dean Smith” stage. But I’ve accepted that.

  13. wufpup76 02/28/2008 at 11:26 PM #

    First off, God bless Sidney’s mother … I haven’t heard anything else, but I hope all works out for the best there … Thoughts and prayers … No matter your thoughts on Sidney’s performance this season, you know he’s feeling it with his Mom, his son’s situation, and oh yeah – our terrible basketball season … I do believe that he deeply cares about NC State and all of this has to be weighing on him very heavily

    ^I wasn’t trying to dole out excuses above, just being human

    As for the topic of the post, I was at ‘acceptance’ for this season some time ago, though that doesn’t mean I won’t cheer hard for victories (or signs of effort, for that matter) 🙂

    Was at the game and here’s some things I noticed:

    It really seemed like the kids were giving effort, but we were TRULY TERRIBLE for the first ten minutes … I would’ve seriously contemplated walking out if I felt no effort was being given

    For the most part, the bench guys did cheer on guys playing on the court – particularly when Fergs made some nice plays … it seems Fergs is well liked by the fans and also his teammates … I’m very happy for him on his recent play, though he seems like the type of kid who would rather not play and win instead of getting scores … That’s a kid who’s easy to love

    I did notice that when Fells was subbed out one time in the second half Sid stuck his hand out to give him a “five” and Courtney completely ignored it … don’t know if he didn’t see Sidney’s gesture, but it would’ve been hard to miss … Take that for what it’s worth, which is probably nothing – BUT in a disappointing season where there seems to be plenty of discontent, I thought that was interesting

    Fergs and Tracy Smith were of course the positives, and why Tracy Smith doesn’t play more is beyond me … the guy comes in and gets rebounds … even – HEAVEN FORBID – OFFENSIVE rebounds!!1!

    This is pure speculation out of my a**, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Tracy is one of the defections … the guy doesn’t play, knows he plays much harder (and better in some instances) than some guys on our front line when he does play, and is clearly frustrated by the team losing … I’ve observed looks of disgust from him before at times, particularly during this stretch of losses … I can’t say that I would necessarily blame him if he left … There’s really no excuse for him not to play when we have a couple of big guys that barely average TWO rebounds a game

    As for the post game comments, I heard Tony Haynes interview Fergs and his comments alluded to the following: “I’m just proud I get to put this uniform on and do my best … I don’t understand our lack of effort sometimes … Don’t know why we spot teams points” … That’s a kid that can suit up for me ANYTIME

    I’m disappointed Sidney didn’t accept any culpability, but I am glad the comments had a negative tone rather than more excuse making (other than the “we can’t rebound; play ‘D’ for these guys” rant) … Those comments may lose the team for him if they weren’t already, but what harm is that at this point? We’ve come a long way from “My #1 rule is HAVE FUN!” like a few here have pointed out …

    The starters WERE terrible … Javi couldn’t play D or shoot (but did at least try); I have no words for Ben McCauley’s play last night; JJ got called out AGAIN and should have – his D (or lack thereof) – helped to give up two consecutive ‘3’s after the team had gotten back into it; Gavin disappeared but appeared to try; Courtney was only alive after he hit a shot

    God bless Marques Johnson … the kid is far from good right now, but he did go out there and try to do what was asked and showed effort and passion while he was out there … very proud of the effort he gave last night, regardless of his level of play … he even apologized to the fans, to boot

    There’s trouble in pardise, though I am pulling for Sidney … He’ll be around for a couple of more years at least (I believe), and I hope things can begin to change after next season … I’m already presuming that we will absoultely suck b*lls next season, though will remain hopeful as always 😉

    Hope we can make a game of it Saturday … have a rallying of the troops … wishful, idiotic thinking, I know – but I never truly want to give up! 🙂

    go pack

  14. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 11:29 PM #

    I saw two teams win tonight — Wisconsin and Southern Cal. Neither team wears the players names on the back. These young guys need to remember how lucky they are to wear the uniform. I for one like teams that don’t wear names on the back. There are few left…

  15. ruffles31 02/28/2008 at 11:58 PM #

    This website shows that the Pack is the most consistent team ATS this year:

    http://vegaswatch.net/2008/02/consistency.html

    As Luke Winn on SI.com says at:

    http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/luke_winn/02/28/power.rankings/2.html

    The No. 1 overall team is N.C. State, which isn’t really a compliment for the Wolfpack; they’ve just been consistently bad.

    This is something VaWolf82 should enjoy looking into. Any statistician would.

  16. turfpack 02/29/2008 at 12:15 AM #

    OK-take a deep breath and take your finger off the tigger-it’s not the end of the world, there are several reasons this team fell apart. It’s not all Sid fault it’s not all the players fault.I think it’s a litte of both.THE REAL TEST IS WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE-FOR me I am going to support my team and tell those other(UNC,DUKE) assh%$@ to kiss it.SURE I GET DEPRESSED WHEN WE LOSE-BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP, I WAS THERE DURING THOSE OTHER CHAMPIONSHIPS AND DAMN IT I WILL SUPPORT THIS TEAM -SID–UNIVERSITY.YES I DON’T LIKE LEE LASZYASS-BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP-I WILL NEVER GIVE UP–WHERE THE TYENOL?

  17. turfpack 02/29/2008 at 12:34 AM #

    THAT’S WHERE’S THE TYENOL-YES -CHEVY CHASE CHRISTMAS VACATION-SORRY!I don’t want to sound disconcerning ,but my 1st cousion is in IRAQ for his 4th tour -it’s brings back to reality.I want to win as bad as anyone.

  18. spanky 02/29/2008 at 12:34 AM #

    Off topic, but some of the ad’s that pop up at the top/bottom are just funny… although appropriate…

    I’m now getting offers for psychotherapy along with other forms of therapy…

    I know they try to fit whatever is discussed, I just thought it was funny that they actually had a psychotherapy advertisement…

  19. JeremyH 02/29/2008 at 12:56 AM #

    If we stay with Lowe we have to accept that this is a rebuilding period (3 -5 yrs). If we stick with Lowe the ceiling for next year is bubble-talk and then a fizz-out. My quibble with this is how progressively worse the team has gotten, and wondering if this is the right guy to rebuild with at the helm. Right now he looks like a complete hack. If we want to win right now, cut our losses, shoot for an up-and-coming midmajor, see what happens. Only issue is there are no guarantees and LF would never do this unless his hand is forced. We have a case study of this.

    This season, the players, our preparation, has seemed like some cruel science experiment to see how bad things can possibly get. Looking ahead focus in the off-season should be a team-building (fall back and your teammate will catch you), conditioning, and bring in a defensive specialist (because our guys haven’t been taught the first thing about playing defense). I would consider this a starting point, the bare minimum.

    By the way, I should add I think Coach Lowe should be fired today for throwing his starting players under the bus, take some responsibility man. This is just my .02.

  20. JeremyH 02/29/2008 at 12:57 AM #

    MODS: MY COMMENT IS AWAITING MODERATION.

  21. Trip 02/29/2008 at 12:59 AM #

    One thing that could NEVER be said about Johnson is that he isn’t a competitor. You can tell by his facial expressions, the fact that he will foul HARD-Which is why he’s generally picking up 2 fouls in the first half even though he plays 5-10 minutes. He’s a competitor, and I don’t care if he should be playing for CUSA or whatever, on a team like this, we need people like him.

  22. wolfonthehill 02/29/2008 at 6:23 AM #

    44 – You’ve got some highly illogical arguments going on this thread.

    1) You’re saying that Noah can’t objectively evaluate what kind of job Sid’s doing because he doesn’t like him personally. By the same logic, no one who personally LIKES Lowe could objectively evaluate him, either. That leaves only those with zero personal knowledge of him as the experts we should trust. I don’t think that’s exactly rational or reasonable.

    2) You’re making the same tired argument that only Sid’s recruits are trying. You simply cannot make that assertion when (1) his best recruit is dogging it as badly as anyone, and (2) the ones who are trying are mostly guys who are lucky to be playing in the ACC… and they play like they know they’re lucky.

    3) It’s SID’S JOB to keep guys from letting jealousy get in the way of performing. If he can’t do that, he simply cannot coach at this level. If this is the last time he ever gets a 5-star recruit, he has no future here… and if he can’t figure out how to get one really good year out of the next 5-star recruit, making the team BETTER instead of WORSE, he similarly has no future here.

    The same old “it’s the players” argument works no better now than it has in the past. He’s paid to recruit players, and then to make the team better than the sum of its parts. The jury’s still out on Sid’s ability to recruit consistently, but this year’s team is FAR LESS than the sum of its parts… and that’s 100% Sid’s fault.

  23. redfred2 02/29/2008 at 7:14 AM #

    ^wufpup76, Your first paragraph is what I have been thinking about more than anything lately. GREAT POST and well said all the way through though!!!

  24. Sweet jumper 02/29/2008 at 7:48 AM #

    wufpup76, great post!

  25. JT 02/29/2008 at 7:58 AM #

    The more I read the more I think how these forums are a bunch of vented bullshit by people who think they know more about the game and program than they do.
    It’s idiotic to even try to lay final judgment on Sid at this point. As worn out as I may be by the losing streak, the year’s been way more exciting than the previous fucking decade with Herb “Chopping Wood” Sendek. It’s Sid’s 2nd year as a head coach and yeah, things need to shape up even considering his family’s problems. Give him time and I feel confident as a TRUE STATED MAN he will come through.

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