Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

With last night’s loss, it’s pretty clear that NC State will finish 4-12 in ACC play, with no post-season. We will finish last if Virginia wins one of its final four games.

Even so, I managed to watch last night’s game with a relaxed and calm demeanor. I don’t remember so much as a “damn it” coming from my mouth, or a scowl on my face. My 6-year old got pretty exasperated, but I assured her that everything was fine, and I was pretty used to it [losing] by now. This got knowing smiles from the other 2 people on my row.

It made me think about the “stages of grief” – I know almost nothing about psychology, but I do remember Lisa Simpson talking to Bart about it. I thought there were four, but turns out there are five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Thanks, Wikipedia!

There was lots of denial during the non-conference games. Sure, I could see that there were problems, but we worked through them to win the Old Spice Classic, and swept the key stretch of games (Davidson, Cincy, Seton Hall) to mostly make up for debacles against New Orleans and East Carolina.

Then, anger. It definitely flared up when we lost to ECU, but that stage didn’t really begin until the Clemson game. For me, it peaked right after the home loss to Georgia Tech, which I noted was completely unacceptable. Many of my fellow Wolfpackers were still in denial, but here’s what I said:

Forget this happy crap. We just LOST AT HOME to an 8-9 team. We committed 18 turnovers and let our opponent shoot 59 percent from the field. That’s inexcusable. Full rant will be posted later.

I’m sorry, but I’ve had it up to here with sucking or near-sucking in every revenue sport, almost every single damned year.

Time would prove me right, with the Bees sitting at 4-8 in ACC play, 11-15 overall.

Next came bargaining. I point to my “path to 8-8” post. It seemed logical on its face, and laid out an “acceptable” path to make everything OK. Maybe not what we’d hoped in the preseason, but things would be mostly back on track. Was I fooling myself? Damn right. I didn’t even entertain the possibility of what actually happened over the next 6 games.

Then came depression – second half of the Maryland game and the meltdown at Boston College. Excruciating games to watch. It wasn’t mathematically impossible to get back on my “path”, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen. There was still some anger, but mostly I just hung my head. I wrote off the 2007-08 season, and subconsciously started laying the groundwork for Stage Five.

And there I was at the RBC last night – fully immersed in acceptance. Let us know how your process is going in the comments.

About BJD95

1995 NC State graduate, sufferer of Les and MOC during my entire student tenure. An equal-opportunity objective critic and analyst of Wolfpack sports.

07-08 Basketball NCS Basketball Sidney Lowe

256 Responses to Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

  1. choppack1 02/28/2008 at 3:24 PM #

    Billy Vest – He’s got next year. But as of right now, there is much more evidence that things won’t work out, than holding out hope that they will. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I really loathe the idea that after another rebuilding year (year 3 of rebuilding where the most we will have is 3 Sendek recruits) – we have to wait another year to see how Lowe does w/ a recruiting class – that while great, may have it’s key components stick around for 1 or 2 years.

    What you’re really saying is give Lowe 2 more years to prove to us that he’s not the right guy. I wonder if you’d be so patient if he didn’t play PG for us.

  2. choppack1 02/28/2008 at 3:25 PM #

    Meant to say, there’s not much evidence things will work out.

  3. packbackr04 02/28/2008 at 3:27 PM #

    call them, text them, buy their mom a house, whatever he needs to do.

    hey, we could have some of our former players who are now in the nba, come to campus and recruit for us….. o wait, we dont have any former players in the nba. scratch that , we do have players in the league but they all hate NCSU.

  4. packbackr04 02/28/2008 at 3:30 PM #

    so sid has missed on jamelle mcmillan, chris warren, and chris wright in 1 yr of recruiting and that has left us with Degand, johnson, and Javi. jesus, i need a drink the more i think about it

  5. cradletograve 02/28/2008 at 3:53 PM #

    44 legend,

    Noah has been on here forever. It’s his job to be a pessimist. Hang around awhile before you pontificate.

  6. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 4:00 PM #

    Has anyone seen or heard anything about this kid that we’ve supposedly offered?

    http://northcarolinastate.scout.com/a.z?s=178&p=8&c=1&nid=2899666

    He’s a 2010 Shooting Guard from Rocky Mount.

  7. choppack1 02/28/2008 at 4:07 PM #

    packbackr – I’m not so much disappointed in him missing out on PGs, moreso that he didn’t go after more quickness and versality at the 1 or 2 spot. Still, it’s only his 2nd year here. He does deserve a chance to bring in his own guys w/ a caveat….That he isn’t totally wrecking things and that he’s not setting our program backwards.

    Simply put, right now, we are going through a worst case scenario of a season. The way he’s handled this adversity has made me skeptical that he can be a good college coach for a season.

    Another thing to consider – last year, we were 3-5 in the first half of the season, 2-6 the second half of it. This year, we were 4-4 in the first half of the season, 0-6 in the second half. The second half of the ACC season is the difference between in the tourney and out of it, being a top 6 seed and a 8-12 seed. The problems this squad has had in the second half of the season, after respectable first half of the season should raise some eyebrows and will be something to watch.

    I’m not calling for him to be fired this year. But I have lost enthusiasm for basketball this year. Next year, he’ll have to win me back. I’ll also have to remind myself of the consecutive second half ACC collapses we’ve had the last 2 years if we get off to a good start.

  8. Trip 02/28/2008 at 4:13 PM #

    Damn guys, give Sidney another freaking year. He MUST be coaching everyone properly because some of the guys are getting it. Tracy Smith apparently knows how to box out, hell even Ferguson did it, so they must be going over it. You don’t just forget how to freaking rebound, I haven’t played basketball on a team in 5 years and I could box out. What’s happened here is injuries and hurt egos. Some of our guys apparently thought that since they did oh so good at the end of last year that they could slack off during the summer and retain their minutes. They lost their minutes to people who actually WORK HARD and now they’re sulking and unable to catch up. Cut the minutes of people who don’t want to work and give Tracy/Ferguson/Harris/MJ/Javi more. MJ might suck, but hell, he’s actually trying.

  9. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 4:14 PM #

    2nd half of our season reminds me of the second half of most of our games. However, last night vs. FSU, @UVa, and @UNC it was the first half where we stunk…

  10. Cardiac95 02/28/2008 at 4:20 PM #

    I’m just making a mental note to self…

    “In next year’s Preseason Prediction Thread, be less optimistic.”

    (predicted 6-10 in conference play this year)

  11. Tau948 02/28/2008 at 4:26 PM #

    First time post, so please be patient…there is a point.

    I have heard a lot of talk about coaches, players, ads, chancellor, etc. being to blame. What I have only seen mentioned sparingly on this site, is pride. I read this site often and I am always entertained and sometimes educated. The majority of opinions written here, I am sure, are shared by so many frustrated Pack fans. But, I don’t understand why “pride” or “Pack Pride” is not tossed around more.

    This is somewhat of a psych post, so there is some therapy envolved within what I am about to write. So, let me take you down memory lane…

    Freshman year, Sept. ’90: I am a very young 18 year-old (June B-day) being introduced to small dorm rooms, roomates, lectures, tons of bricks, hard as crap weed out classes and thousands of people that have no clue who they are or what they have gotten themselves into. What they all do know is that these sporting events seem like a great place to go and be around other soul searching individuals – and, more importantly, cut loose for a few hours.

    I knew who some of the guys were on the bball team and had watched them on tv quite a bit the previous year. They were fun to watch on tv, but what I experienced in Reynolds (R.I.P.) was an entirely different level of entertainment. That place was so loud, crazy and electric that you had to be dead not to enjoy it. But, what brought the place alive was the kids on the court. They had 9000 people yelling at the top of their collective lungs and they were all yelling FOR them. Every pass, shot, dunk, block, etc…everything. And the way they played it seemed that they really cared about making the crowd happy. That didn’t always mean winning, it meant leaving absolutely everything they had on the court. However, what that effort translated into was winning.

    When other teams came into Reynolds, they came in with respect. What they left with was more respect and their asses in their hands. The players on that team played with so much heart and pride that the crowd could not help but to cheer as hard as the players were playing. When they would get a lead, it was like they were gladitors with their feet on the throats of their foes and they look up at the crowd and the crowd would all give them the thumbs down. They would drive the sword through the heart of the enemy and the crowd would erupt with cheers for more blood…and they got it. And, when the beatings were over, the crowd would march to Hillsborough Street and chant praises to their mighty and proud team. The Pack only lost one game at Reynolds that year; the last game of the year. But, they didn’t lose because they gave up — they gave everything they had and when they did lose that game, they took it personally. And, the crowd was as proud in their team in defeat as they were in victory.

    Those boys had so much pride in their school, their fans, their uniforms, their colusium and themselves that they had no choice but to give everything they had on every play of every game. Who knows why they had that much pride – maybe V saw that in their on-court persona in HS – maybe they developed it once they received their scholarship – maybe it was when they stepped foot in Reynolds the first time — who really knows. All I know is that I miss having players, on MY team, that have pride in their team and in themselves. Enough pride to at least give it their all even in the face of certain defeat.

    Sorry for the long, somewhat cheesy, post.

  12. harrisek 02/28/2008 at 4:28 PM #

    During a quick check of the ACC site, of the sports that they listed standings, we are no better than mediocre in anything except women’s basketball (17-10). Baseball and softball are too early to get a good read on.

  13. b 02/28/2008 at 4:53 PM #

    Great post, 948. Obviously the RBC is not the problem, but there’s no substitute for having a place like Reynolds. Some of my best memories are going to games with my dad there. Especially the times we beat Carolina and Duke and it got so loud my ears would still be ringing the next day at school.

  14. highstick 02/28/2008 at 4:54 PM #

    I’ll be angry until Fowler is gone, then I’ll think about starting the process over again with “renewed vigor and optimism”.

    Did anyone read the comments in the Charlotte Obs. a few days ago about CD Spangler’s and Bill Friday’s opposition to UNCC football? Spangler responded to a comment as to why UNC and NC State should have football and UNCC was to be denied. He made a comment that I’ll paraphrase, but basically said it was “too late to stop those trains on the track”. The SOB sure did pull the tracks out from NC State train many years ago with the intent of destroying athletics there and guess what? It’s worked so far!

    I also see UNCC doesn’t like the “UNC” moniker either.

  15. PackerInRussia 02/28/2008 at 4:58 PM #

    I must be in acceptance. I woke up this morning and checked the score and was not angry when I saw they lost. In fact, I completely expected it and grimly chuckled when I saw the score and read about how miserably they played in the first half. I will watch them if they show them on TV here again and I’ll listen on the internet when I can, but I will not get angry when (not if) they lose. If they won the ACCT and the NCAAT I don’t think I’d even be excited because I’ve already packed it in and shipped it out for the season. There’s nothing left in me that can truly pull for this team (OK, that’s probably a little bit of denial creeping in). I used to think it’d be hard living in another country during football and basketball season. Looks like it’s a great time to be away after all. With all of that said, I will still be a long-suffering Pack fan for life.

  16. mwcric 02/28/2008 at 5:00 PM #

    Remember Sid & team’s comments at his first press conference last season? Something about above all, having fun? What’s happened to that? I sure haven’t seen it this year. The players look as pained as they did in previous seasons, under a coach that seemed the antithesis of fun.

    And I hate to say it, but the fact that this team is getting demonstrably worse as the season progresses is a bad sign with regards to this coaching staff. Clearly, either teaching or learning or a combination of both ain’t happening; and on top of that, our opponents are having zero problems reading what we’re trying to do and successfully adjusting. While theoretically I agree that it’s difficult to judge a team in just under two seasons, there is nothing to suggest from the latter half of this season that this staff will improve. Granted more talent and/or experience at PG will help some, but it ain’t gonna help hustle, rebounding and defense – IMO the most glaring problems on this team. As far as talentless players go, I will continue to refute that:
    * Grant was also recruited by Pitt, among other teams.
    * Costner was a Rivals top 30 recruit and wooed by UCLA and Kansas.
    * Fells was a Rivals top 25 recruit and wooed by Georgia Tech, LSU and Mississippi State.
    * McCauley was pursued by Ohio State, Pitt, Xavier and Cincinnati.
    * Horner was pursued by Notre Dame and West Virginia.
    * Washington State and LSU looked at Gonzalez.
    * Hickson was a Rivals top 10 recruit and pursued by Tennessee and Georgetown.
    * Smith was a Rivals top 50 recruit and pursued by OK St. and Southern Cal.

    None of Lowe’s incomings have pedigrees nearly as impressive as what’s here already. It’s pretty dubious to me to question the talent of these players and say they couldn’t start for other ACC or power schools. If one or even two just didn’t live up to expectations, well, that’s the hit-miss nature of recruiting. But for EIGHT of them to be flops? Nope – that’s coaching.

    Five NCSU leaders coached at least 28 games their second seasons: Case was 26-2 at this point, Valvano 21-7, Sendek and Lowe 15-13, and Robinson 11-17. Sendek gets the edge over Lowe as his ACC record at this point was 5-11, percentage points over Lowe’s 4-10.

    Since the 1990-91 season (post “fall”) NCSU is now 125-191 in conference play. In the 19 seasons “pre-fall,” the Pack was 179-137.

  17. SeaWolfZ 02/28/2008 at 5:01 PM #

    Was there a game last night? Oh yeah, Florida State. I guess that puts me at the stage of acceptance/indifference. I just cant bear to watch it.

  18. pacman23 02/28/2008 at 5:07 PM #

    Well, I got home from work just in time to turn the TV on and accidentally saw the score of the game(which I was recording and might have watched later had we won), and wasn’t a bit surprised to see we were getting thumped, so you could say I was already in acceptance mode. I think that really kicked in during the Clemson home loss. I was the eternal, but pissed off optimist up to that point.
    It appears this “team” can’t wait for the season to end. They do not want to play a game that is supposed to be fun. Why? I’m waiting for the truth to be revealed, which Gavin has alluded to a couple of times. (It really stinks for him right now, with Senior Day coming up Saturday against a team that will beat us to pieces like a $20 toy drum set.)

    I’m at the point right now, which I never thought I would reach, where I think Lowe needs to go. We’ve all seen it. No effort, no conditioning, no fundamentals, no teamwork, no heart, no intensity, no defense, no pride, etc. This mess of a season falls at his feet. I hate to say it, but sports is a rough business, tough decisions have to made sometimes, and it looks like he has no business coaching college basketball and must be shown the door ASAP. It’s easy to blame the players, but we know that they ARE capable of a lot more and just aren’t giving it. Does it not look like they don’t want to play for him?
    The only thing is, we’ve still got that idiot Fowler running the show and I absolutely have no confidence in his ability to find a coach that these boys will play for.
    So, folks, you did a nice job in running Sendek out of town. How about doing the same to that jackass, Fowler. This should be our mission as Wolfpack fans.
    As, someone else said above, acceptance is not a good feeling-not at all. It’s enough to make a grown man cry…

  19. packpigskinfan23 02/28/2008 at 5:12 PM #

    in some ways i feel bad for gavin…

    in others I am upset with him for not taking that leadership role that was his to take.

  20. JT 02/28/2008 at 5:29 PM #

    I can’t get past the obvious lack of conditioning. The only guys who don’t look out of shape look too skinny compared to other aCC players. Look at UNC- those guys are pumped. If I were to pin this year on any one thing it’d be the lack of hard core conditioning/lifting.

    I hope Sid turns it around. It is too early to just dump on his program. But I really want to see strong guys running the floor next year, snagging rebounds and pushing other teams around.

    And I’m a Lowe fan. I’m not gonna write off him and his staff.
    Most importantly, best to his mom and son.

  21. BAC79 02/28/2008 at 5:33 PM #

    The team, with the exception of a few noted above, are at the acceptance stage. They have already thrown in the towel and can’t wait for the season to end.

    All of this discussion about the coach is moot. Has everyone forgotten who we have running the ship? (Titanic would be an appropriate name). Fowler won’t can or call any coach out until instructed to do so by someone else.

    We can therefore look forward to several more years of dismal basketball.

    I agree that predicting us third was moronic; but, we are cruising for last place. There is no reason under the sun that this group could not finish in the middle rather than the bottom.

  22. Fenrir 02/28/2008 at 5:38 PM #

    lowe had the perfect oppotunity to get these guys attention. the michigan game when they scored 12 points in the first half. they would have been greeted with me waiting for them in the locker room. i’d of told the startes that their effort was not what i expected from them and that they would not start or play the second half. i would have added that they would not be stating any gave utill i saw some effort. i’d have started the bench and played them for about 3 to 4 games. when they sat on game day i’d have made them wear their jerseys inside out, telling them the don’t deserve to have nc state on their chest.once i put the starters back in i’d bet they had all their ego problems fixed. of course i will never have any type of opportunity like that. but lowe has treated these guys like pro plyers and been their buddy. taking up for there play and making excuses. now all of a sudden the starters played awful. well sid it wasn’t just last night it’s been the whole year. i thought i had reached the last stage and gave up but you know what i’m mad as hell!

  23. golf76 02/28/2008 at 5:46 PM #

    I believe Coach Lowe owes all State fans an explantory press conference. This team is too talented to have such a poor record.

  24. highstick 02/28/2008 at 5:50 PM #

    Clinton, Obama, McCain, and Fowler? Wow, what has this world come to? Oh, I forgot Easley and Oblinger(aka “Obieone Kanobe”)!

  25. RalYat71 02/28/2008 at 6:00 PM #

    This being my first post, I feel very uneasy speaking about Sid, or certainly offering ANY criticism of him. Only as one parent to another can anyone even know what he is going through right now! Is he a great college basketball coach? If the present obstacles were removed, would his coaching style be different? Lot of questions right now, but I can’t offer the answers. He obviously needs a GREAT point guard NOW!

    Being a 71 grad of NCSU, I remember my arrival on campus and the excitement of my first trip to Reynolds! WOW! Seeing Stormin’ Norman in action and the level of energy on the floor at EVERY game certainly gives me pause to watch the slackness by many of the players now. A coach HAS to teach each player that PRIDE is having that NC STATE jersey on your chest and giving it your all each second that you are on the floor! I don’t see that by every player, but some, yes! If it is NOT in each player’s guts to play w/ PRIDE, the coach has missed the target! PERIOD!

    I graduated from Duke in 76 from their Exec MBA program! You may find this impossible to believe, but several times during breaks in classes, several of us would WALK INTO Cameron w/o tickets to watch a b’ball game in progress and the stands were half empty/ half full! Yes, it happens to every program!

    When will the nightmare end? Should Sid be tossed? Don’t know! But I would NOT wish what he is going through w/ his child on ANYONE! All of us should cut him some slack for that ONE reason! I have 2 adult daughters that have given me ZERO problems compared to Sid’s child.

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