Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

With last night’s loss, it’s pretty clear that NC State will finish 4-12 in ACC play, with no post-season. We will finish last if Virginia wins one of its final four games.

Even so, I managed to watch last night’s game with a relaxed and calm demeanor. I don’t remember so much as a “damn it” coming from my mouth, or a scowl on my face. My 6-year old got pretty exasperated, but I assured her that everything was fine, and I was pretty used to it [losing] by now. This got knowing smiles from the other 2 people on my row.

It made me think about the “stages of grief” – I know almost nothing about psychology, but I do remember Lisa Simpson talking to Bart about it. I thought there were four, but turns out there are five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Thanks, Wikipedia!

There was lots of denial during the non-conference games. Sure, I could see that there were problems, but we worked through them to win the Old Spice Classic, and swept the key stretch of games (Davidson, Cincy, Seton Hall) to mostly make up for debacles against New Orleans and East Carolina.

Then, anger. It definitely flared up when we lost to ECU, but that stage didn’t really begin until the Clemson game. For me, it peaked right after the home loss to Georgia Tech, which I noted was completely unacceptable. Many of my fellow Wolfpackers were still in denial, but here’s what I said:

Forget this happy crap. We just LOST AT HOME to an 8-9 team. We committed 18 turnovers and let our opponent shoot 59 percent from the field. That’s inexcusable. Full rant will be posted later.

I’m sorry, but I’ve had it up to here with sucking or near-sucking in every revenue sport, almost every single damned year.

Time would prove me right, with the Bees sitting at 4-8 in ACC play, 11-15 overall.

Next came bargaining. I point to my “path to 8-8” post. It seemed logical on its face, and laid out an “acceptable” path to make everything OK. Maybe not what we’d hoped in the preseason, but things would be mostly back on track. Was I fooling myself? Damn right. I didn’t even entertain the possibility of what actually happened over the next 6 games.

Then came depression – second half of the Maryland game and the meltdown at Boston College. Excruciating games to watch. It wasn’t mathematically impossible to get back on my “path”, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen. There was still some anger, but mostly I just hung my head. I wrote off the 2007-08 season, and subconsciously started laying the groundwork for Stage Five.

And there I was at the RBC last night – fully immersed in acceptance. Let us know how your process is going in the comments.

About BJD95

1995 NC State graduate, sufferer of Les and MOC during my entire student tenure. An equal-opportunity objective critic and analyst of Wolfpack sports.

07-08 Basketball NCS Basketball Sidney Lowe

256 Responses to Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

  1. 44fan 02/28/2008 at 1:37 PM #

    Acceptance after Virginia game.

  2. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 1:41 PM #

    I agree packgrad93. I hope Wall and Brown go to the Dook game together, and I hope the RBC is “rockin'”. I think a victory would be too much to ask for, but let’s give ’em a game. Brown mentioned in the article he’d like to play with Wall, but he did not know him extremely well. I’m not sure you could ask them to “end all our backcourt issues,” but with those two in ’09, we would be on our way. If you added a top flight PF/C to that class (if we have another defection other than JJ), we would have a helluva class. Derrick, do you hear me talking to you?? Realistically, that could be a class of 3 Burger boys with Wall, Brown, and Favors, and a great all-around player, Wood to go along with that trio. Hell, we can dream….

  3. choppack1 02/28/2008 at 1:44 PM #

    AG – I agree in general w/ your post except for one statement:

    “Last year Sid could do no wrong.’

    That’s revisionist history. You’re forgetting the 11 games we lost in the ACC regular season. The horrid efforts vs. Duke, Clemson, BC, Miami, UMd and UVa (not the first game, but the second one)that cost us the possibility of an at-large bid. You’re forgetting the horrid performance vs. Cincy.

    I thought Sid did an OK job last year. In my evaluation, I considered that Sid hadn’t coached the college kids before and that we ended on a positive note. When I saw the recruiting class he was bringing in, I felt even more comfortable.

    But this year – I’ve just been very disappointed. And when I don’t hear a coach say, “We, as coaches, just need to go put our heads together and see what we can do to fix the problem” – I get really worried. He’s really not proposing to do anything different. Does that seem appropriate after a year like this one?

  4. packpigskinfan23 02/28/2008 at 1:48 PM #

    the ONLY way I see Sid getting out of this mess is telling these 3 ’09 recruits to come here and start right away and they accept that.

  5. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 1:50 PM #

    Also, Favors is from Georgia and Brown is from Georgia…as a matter of fact, so is Noel Johnson…i’m just sayin…

  6. peteavio 02/28/2008 at 2:01 PM #

    During the UVA game, i found myself engaged during the first half. Drinking more heavily than usual. Then i found myself picking up one of the lady friend’s US magazines during the second half.

    Last night, i had a choice: Bar #1 with friends, ESPNU (8) on the TV or a nice dinner next door….i chose dinner, TV-less. Figured i would enjoy the game blogging after-the-fact more than the actual game, i was right.

    Later in the evening while watching the Dookie game, dreading the beat-down on Saturday, the final score came up. No reaction, just ordered another round.

    Saturday i will probably watch again, more for the sheer fun of watching a bunch of white guys with crew cuts run and gun.

    Farnold’s not the missing piece of the puzzle, i see it as lack of leadership. Maybe BJD’s prophecy will come true and the team will realize that it is indeed Trevor’s world, we’re all just a part of it……Trevor will become the fiery leader off and on the court and things will be ok.

    Until then, i’ll keep some US magazines close by on Saturday.

    BJD: Good hearing from ya, pete. We will be in your fair city in April, have to hoist a beer or ten.

  7. Greywolf 02/28/2008 at 2:06 PM #

    I was OK until I read Sid’s comments about the coaches this morning. Now I’m just sick. Never thought I’d hear it.

  8. Rochester 02/28/2008 at 2:11 PM #

    Choppack, that’s a good point. If Sid lays all the blame on the players, that doesn’t sound like he plans to change anything. I hope that’s not the case. I’d love for him to be the great coach we all hoped he’d be, but he’s got to take the many lessons learned this year and apply them so we don’t suffer this same fate next year or down the road.

  9. Noah 02/28/2008 at 2:15 PM #

    It has been stated and confirmed multiple times on this board and on others that Derrick Whittenburg will never ever return to NC State as a coach. He burned too many bridges on his way out the door and is no longer welcome in Raleigh.

    And when your argument in support of Lowe is that someone is a bad fan…you don’t have an argument, you’re just having some sort of fit.

  10. b 02/28/2008 at 2:16 PM #

    I’m at stage 9: why am I a State fan again? I guess the same reason I’m a Cubs fan and a golfer. At some point, I’ll have a really awesome season/round.

  11. peteavio 02/28/2008 at 2:31 PM #

    Dig. Give me a buzz.

    I lurk, therefore i am.

  12. TTandB74 02/28/2008 at 2:36 PM #

    I’ll go back and read the 111 previous posts, but I just had to answer the question first.
    Im at my lowest point ever as a Pack fan. That dates to DT’s freshman season when I was 4 years old.
    I’m very down on low, but not convinced totally that he can’t turn it around. It’s just going to take longer than I thought. I’m not convinced he’s the right guy, but I’m absolutely convinced that another coaching search led by Jed will be a disaster. If we had an AD who wanted to win, I might be willing to get rid of Lowe at the end of this year. But we don’t.

  13. TTandB74 02/28/2008 at 2:37 PM #

    Ooops.. I’m at my lowest point… forgot the apostrophe

  14. JPPack 02/28/2008 at 2:39 PM #

    It’s deja vu.
    I feel EXACTLY the way I did during the Les years. I will watch every game that I can, usually with no expectations. If we play well (and even win), I’ll be happily surprised. But if not, I don’t get upset at all.

  15. 44legend 02/28/2008 at 2:43 PM #

    Noah,

    You have stated you don’t personally like Lowe. I don’t know if you’re a bad fan, but I know you are not objective in your opinion because of your personal issues with him. Constant negativity can absolutely can hurt the program. When one of the most respected blogs on NCSU sports has a constant negative tone, it can affect the media, recruits, players, even coaches. Even the most “daytight” people can be affected by constant negativity.

    Lets give him a fair chance to suceed here. Then even if you don’t like him you can be an average fan and root for a winning team if he’s successful. Barring a complete psychological meltdown, criminality, or severe non-professional behavior 2 years is not enough.

    Tone it down some for the sake of our future. He won’t be fired at a bare minimum for more than a year. Until then, let’s all hope this can be turned around and we can get some kick ass recruits and wins.

  16. BillyVest 02/28/2008 at 2:48 PM #

    Choppack1, anyone who questioned NCSU last year was met with a lot of criticism from fellow Wolfpack fans. Sid was “golden”, much the same way Amato was “golden”, when Rivers was here. Both coaches built a lot of excitement for the programs, because they have fairly charasmatic public personalities.

    I remember reading a post, where ShootingGuard ripped someone for saying our defense was poor against one of the early opponents, like Wofford or Valpo, because we had a short bench and we can’t expect better defense.

    A good recruiting class in 2009 and 2010 will cure a lot of our woes and Sid’s future depends on if he can land those recruits. The same way Coach K’s life at Duke was to be made or broken by his early recruiting classes, and Dean Smith’s was made by landing Billy Cunningham.

    I’d rather go this route than deal with schemes that get wins out of so-so talent, but may never really attract top notch talent. If this year and next year suck, it’s the price to pay for not settling for mediocrity.

  17. choppack1 02/28/2008 at 2:53 PM #

    I go back to that Bill Parcells story about coaching:

    He was coaching a position for this team, and that group of players didn’t play too well.

    The HC asked him why they didn’t execute better. Bill said, “They didn’t do what I told them to do.”

    The HC responded, “It’s your job for them to do what you tell them to do.”

    Simply put, just because players aren’t “getting” doesn’t mean you have an excuse. If Sid’s back next year – and he probably will be – we’ll see if this team – which will have one less Sendek recruit, get’s it. However, it’s worth nothing that if you thought last year was good – these players worked and executed last year. Why did they suddenly stop executing?

  18. 44legend 02/28/2008 at 3:03 PM #

    they stopped because they were pissed at JJ gettin the limelight…I thought everyone could see that.

    Also they dogged it the majority of last year anyway. Who’s not dogging it…Lowe’s recruits, Trevor, and 1 or two more. McCauley is NOT in the latter group IMO.

  19. Redblogger 02/28/2008 at 3:06 PM #

    ^^
    they stopped because they were pissed at JJ gettin the limelight…I thought everyone could see that.

    Agreed

  20. packbackr04 02/28/2008 at 3:12 PM #

    Tyreke Evans
    Brad Tinsley

    both of these PG’s are uncommitted. if i was sid, id be on a plane right now begging one of these 2 to come to State. Do whatever it takes. Kelvin Sampson style if he has too.

  21. whitefang 02/28/2008 at 3:12 PM #

    I am at the last stage whatever that is.
    I may watch a little in the tournament with no expectations.
    I AM looking forward to football. Yes we have many questions there too, but I don’t expect we’ll see a team who makes stupid mistakes and doesn’t hustle. I think we will be fundamentally sound, and I can live with that.

  22. 44legend 02/28/2008 at 3:14 PM #

    Yeah, and it’s amazing the number of tools here blaming Lowe entirely for this trainwreck when the upperclass scholarship atheletes are OPENLY pouting over attention/minutes.

    Lowe could have done some things better, agreed. Let’s quit calling for a firing squad while this tenure is nowhere close to being over. Wait and see if it gets better. If not, then what’s a damn year or two in the midst of 20?????????????????

    At least we’ll have treated our returning HERO properly.

  23. mikeD 02/28/2008 at 3:16 PM #

    Athletic ticket office sent an email a few hours ago saying there are still Duke tickets available.

    If we are playing like this, who wants to see us be demolished by Duke to kick off spring break? I love my wolfpack, but there are better things to do with my time than watch the life slowly drain from the team.

  24. Rochester 02/28/2008 at 3:16 PM #

    Do whatever it takes. Kelvin Sampson style if he has too.

    This is really the last thing we need. We’re struggling enough without doing stupid things to get the NCAA sniffing around.

  25. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 3:16 PM #

    Does anybody see any reason not to offer Coach Lowe a generous out at the end of this season? The stuff with his son has to be hanging over his head as a huge distraction (rightfully so) and he is clearly very frustrated. He may welcome an offer that gives him a year or 2 away from working while still living comfortably in the area and getting his house in order. Even if he turned the offer down it would demonstrate to him that we know he is hurting and we are willing to help on a personal level. Sid has to be realizing that he is in way over his head and may be smart enough to get out and save some face now. This is a very tough job and there’s no shame in not being ready for it.

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