Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

With last night’s loss, it’s pretty clear that NC State will finish 4-12 in ACC play, with no post-season. We will finish last if Virginia wins one of its final four games.

Even so, I managed to watch last night’s game with a relaxed and calm demeanor. I don’t remember so much as a “damn it” coming from my mouth, or a scowl on my face. My 6-year old got pretty exasperated, but I assured her that everything was fine, and I was pretty used to it [losing] by now. This got knowing smiles from the other 2 people on my row.

It made me think about the “stages of grief” – I know almost nothing about psychology, but I do remember Lisa Simpson talking to Bart about it. I thought there were four, but turns out there are five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Thanks, Wikipedia!

There was lots of denial during the non-conference games. Sure, I could see that there were problems, but we worked through them to win the Old Spice Classic, and swept the key stretch of games (Davidson, Cincy, Seton Hall) to mostly make up for debacles against New Orleans and East Carolina.

Then, anger. It definitely flared up when we lost to ECU, but that stage didn’t really begin until the Clemson game. For me, it peaked right after the home loss to Georgia Tech, which I noted was completely unacceptable. Many of my fellow Wolfpackers were still in denial, but here’s what I said:

Forget this happy crap. We just LOST AT HOME to an 8-9 team. We committed 18 turnovers and let our opponent shoot 59 percent from the field. That’s inexcusable. Full rant will be posted later.

I’m sorry, but I’ve had it up to here with sucking or near-sucking in every revenue sport, almost every single damned year.

Time would prove me right, with the Bees sitting at 4-8 in ACC play, 11-15 overall.

Next came bargaining. I point to my “path to 8-8” post. It seemed logical on its face, and laid out an “acceptable” path to make everything OK. Maybe not what we’d hoped in the preseason, but things would be mostly back on track. Was I fooling myself? Damn right. I didn’t even entertain the possibility of what actually happened over the next 6 games.

Then came depression – second half of the Maryland game and the meltdown at Boston College. Excruciating games to watch. It wasn’t mathematically impossible to get back on my “path”, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen. There was still some anger, but mostly I just hung my head. I wrote off the 2007-08 season, and subconsciously started laying the groundwork for Stage Five.

And there I was at the RBC last night – fully immersed in acceptance. Let us know how your process is going in the comments.

About BJD95

1995 NC State graduate, sufferer of Les and MOC during my entire student tenure. An equal-opportunity objective critic and analyst of Wolfpack sports.

07-08 Basketball NCS Basketball Sidney Lowe

256 Responses to Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

  1. Ismael 02/28/2008 at 10:25 AM #

    Question: do the stages necessarily have to be linear?? Of course not. I would say i am in a cycle of grief and I think that it’s a direct result of the cycle of sports seasons. And does we necessarily have to feel each stage by itself, i.e. is being in one stage exclusive of being in another stage at the same time? No, as well.

    Denial = 1
    Anger = 2
    Bargaining = 3
    Depression = 4
    Acceptance = 5

    So for instance, when the seasons start and we are thinking about the possibilities we are pretty high and definitely in stage 1 (denial) and pretty much at the same time we’re going to ourselves: but wait, who did we really get recruits-wise, it will take time to develop them, they are only 2 stars, etc. so we kind of mix stage 4 and 5 together so i’ll call it: a depressed acceptance. Because its not a happy acceptance.

    Then there’s the whole question of these games themselves.

    We start out at 2 and 1, we miss the first few shots, don’t play D, start falling behind then we are at 2 and 3 (angry with what we see, but bargaining that if we can just play D or Javy -> Corchiani things will change. Then its 12-0 (no baskets for through the first tv timeout). At this stage i’d say its not acceptance but rather comical disbelief. Then its 25-6; stage 2 and 4 together. If it were 25-0 then at least that would elicit a: “wowwww (mouth open). I can’t believe we are sooooo baaaaad.” Then you would at least start thinking of the records books and has a team EVER been held scoreless or maybe without a field goal in a half.

    Then HOPE, in the form of getting simultaneously to stage 1 and 3 when Trevor hits a 3 and or T-Smith gets an Off-Reb for a putback, then its 28-19 and we go right back to stage 1, but we know its not gonna last, so at the same time, while NOT in stage 2 or 4, we are in denial, but have accepted that it can’t last.

    Its complicated, painful and taxing to be a State fan since 1983.

  2. choppack1 02/28/2008 at 10:26 AM #

    DrBadgerPack – I actually think that’s a great game!

    “I see no reason to believe that breaking in a new guy at Quarterback is going to go any better than breaking in a new guy at point guard went this winter.”

    The big difference is that in the case of football, we have a staff that has demonstrated success in developing QBs. They actually Daniel Evans looking like Danny Wuerfel for 3 games. But you’re right, next year we could have a huge letdown here too. I mean, this year in b’ball was supposed to be great wasn’t it?

    I’m surprised no one else has commented on how mad Sidney was last night. I was thinking to myself – this is a day late and a dollar short. Remember after Michigan State – excuses galore. Now, 6 games into this losing streak, we finally admit, “we’ve got huge problems.” Yet, I haven’t heard Sidney say one thing about what he needs to do differently.

  3. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 10:32 AM #

    ^^^^As for the rest of the basketball season, how about acceptance with some fun? Perhaps a drink per turnover. Announcer says State needs a PG? Take a swig. Give up an offensive board? Put ‘er down. Opponent hits a three with the shot clock expiring? Imbibe. Camera pans to a constipated-looking Sidney Lowe on the sideline? Cuervo time!

    I love it!! We can call it the “Watching the Wolfpack will weave you weeping and wishing for Whiskey” Game. It’ll be fun on Saturday during the Nationally televised Duke game. I’ll be sure to be on SFN during the game. Hell, I’m actually looking forward to the game now!!

  4. Noah 02/28/2008 at 10:35 AM #

    I’m at the stage where I no longer believe there is any point in continuing to field a basketball team.

    We’ve got three more years of being a disgrace and black mark on the ACC. Then we get to start from scratch. We’ll be in a much worse place than where we were when Les Robinson was here. This will be worse than when Valvano was fired.

    This isn’t the lowest POSSIBLE point…but it’s the lowest in our history.

  5. Dr. BadgerPack 02/28/2008 at 10:38 AM #

    Disclaimer: Dr. BadgerPack assumes no liability for those who choose to play the aforementioned game for more than, oh, 5 minutes. 🙂

  6. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 10:38 AM #

    I think Sid was pretty clear last night that he doesn’t need to do anything differently. He has them prepared and good strategies in place but they don’t make shots or get rebounds. Even from my jaded view of Sid I couldn’t believe that he said that in public. And he wasn’t misquoted – I heard the clip.

  7. Rochester 02/28/2008 at 10:44 AM #

    It’s kind of like a teacher who gives a test and 90 percent of the class gets D’s and F’s. (I’m pretty sure we all endured at least one of those at State.) Did the students not try very hard? Are they all dumb? Or did the teacher fail to properly explain the subject matter in a way that prepared the students to get better marks on the test?

  8. primacyone 02/28/2008 at 10:47 AM #

    ^From the Greesboro News-Record: I’m glad he said it in Public.

    “”I thought our starters were just awful,” Lowe said. “I thought they were awful tonight.”

    Consider this. The Wolfpack got a career-high 17 points from reserve guard Trevor Ferguson and another solid game from backup forward Tracy Smith (11 points), and State’s reserves outscored the FSU bench, 36-2. Do the math: That means the Seminoles’ starters outscored the State starters, 70-26.

    Lowe was angry, and he wasn’t in the mood to take the heat for his players this time.

    “We do everything we can to have these guys ready to play,” Lowe said of his coaching staff. “We can’t rebound. We can’t make the shots. We can’t get in front of a guy to defend him.””

  9. ktoh 02/28/2008 at 10:50 AM #

    yes I can deal with the losing if we put forth effort. Ray Charles could see we have none. Sid accepts no responsibility whatever ,it is sad .
    The RBC center will look empty or at least should be empty if this keeps up. We are and have great fans. We get no respect I will give up my tickets as long as sid is coaching.
    Please stop running that excuse about losing recruits etc Sid got a bad break yes,but he also got a job out of the deal,I am sure his phone was not ringing off the hook. If you compare his body of work to what Derrick has done at Wagner and at Fordham ( He has inferior talent has a system and knows how to recruit)and if an alumn was the criteria it appears we got the wrong guard.

  10. one00_proof 02/28/2008 at 10:50 AM #

    Studying for a test where I only need to pass to graduate > NC State Basketball. So when does base-, i mean foot-, i mean volley-, CROSS COUNTRY start!?

  11. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 10:56 AM #

    I think the first 12 minutes last night was the quietest I have ever heard the RBC Center for an ACC game. It was apparent to me that even the fans who bothered to show up had little hope or enthusiasm. The pre-game “clap over your head” silliness was even half-hearted at best. I think most folks were like me – got the LTR’s and paid for the tickets, you literally can’t give them away, not much else to do on a wed night, may as well go see what happens. And that’s the die-hards that even bothered to show up. When the most rabid fans have hit acceptance then you’ve got issues.

  12. packer74 02/28/2008 at 10:57 AM #

    The handwriting was on the wall with the blowout at Michigan State. My season prediction immediately after that game was 6-10 in ACC. Next came the no show, mail it in, lack of effort crushing by the Ewes at Chapel Hill. For the “talent” this bunch is touted to have, I never seen such a continually poor display of basketball fundamentals as this bunch shows game after game. Blame is shared by the coaches and the players. Quotes from some frustrated coaches: Casey Stengel “does anyone know how to play this game” during the first season of the New York Mets. When asked about his team’s execution after another 1st season loss, Tampa Bay Bucs coach John McKay said “I’m in favor of it.” Humor is all Pack fans have left this year.

  13. blackdom 02/28/2008 at 11:03 AM #

    Wittenburg ktoh makes a valid point if thats the direction we must go ie former pack grad,plus he is known in the ny metro area and can recruit the top players from up there ones that would not consider a low major like fordham,although I have seen them play a few times and although it is not really saying much they would most likely kick our butts.

  14. packbackr04 02/28/2008 at 11:09 AM #

    thank you MJ for apologizing to the fans. that means alot.

  15. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 11:10 AM #

    No to Whitt. Just like Sid, he is a guy who wouldn’t sniff an interview at an ACC school outside of the fact that he played here. While he does have a lot more relevant experience and is probably more qualified than Sid that doesn’t put him anywhere near the list of acceptable candidates. Good Lord if we’ve learned anything the last 2 years it should be that being a guard on a national championship team and being willing to take the job aren’t enough to ensure any success.

  16. blackdom 02/28/2008 at 11:17 AM #

    Par Shooter : I agree as well but in hindsight the lesser of two evils for sure!

  17. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 11:21 AM #

    IF for some reason Sid is not here in a couple of years, Whitt would NOT be the replacement, I’m sure. He was the ONE with the “pass” to Lo Charles, though…:)

  18. statered 02/28/2008 at 11:24 AM #

    I am resigned to the fact that we have some fans that are complete POS’. Some of the crap I read here are just stupid…got back to Reynolds? What possible relevance does that have? Are some of you in high school? And Noah, your complete debbie downer perspective is a self fulfilling prophecy when enough people engage in it. It is delusional to have unrealistically high expectations. It is equally delusional to have unrealistically low ones to and brother you have that in spades.

    We suck becasue our talent sucks more than anything. Simple as that. Sid will either be able to bring in more talent or he won’t and that will be that. For those of you who think this is a highly talented team – if that were true some of these stiffs could get a rebound in 15 minutes with no coaching whatsoever if they had just a tad of athletism. We have no one on this team that can get their own shot or make a contested one much les dribble under any kind of pressure without losing the ball.

    Its all about recruiting, simple as that. Changing coaches will not matter one iota unless we can get someone in here that can get talent in here immediately.

  19. Anthony Grundy 02/28/2008 at 11:24 AM #

    Why shouldn’t Whitt be the replacement? He has an excellent track record on the college level. I believe there was an excellent post on SFN a year ago which detailed his success.

  20. Dr. BadgerPack 02/28/2008 at 11:26 AM #

    ^What a load of garbage. This reads as either (1) no NC State alumni allowed or (2) coaches from smaller schools need not apply. Who makes the cut for an “acceptable” candidate? Do you need 1 NC? Multiple “BCS” conference titles? Sheer name recognition?

    That argument is exactly the same as: we had a recruit from _____ that bombed, ergo we should never recruit a player from _____ again.

    All we’ve learned the last 1 1/2 years is if you don’t have a point guard, you’re going to suck. Well no freaking crap. I don’t think it’s a particularly solid notion that because 1 alumnus (currently) doesn’t cut the mustard, all alumni obviously would do the same thing. Oh, I’ve got it– Guard + Alumni + NC = Bad coach. Post hoc ergo propter hoc. (End rant)

  21. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 11:26 AM #

    Speaking of new talent:

    http://northcarolinastate.scout.com/2/732774.html

    How about: Wall, Brown, Favors, and Wood for 2009.

    Now THAT would be a top 5 recruiting class – maybe #1!!

  22. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 11:29 AM #

    I think he would have been a better, or at least safer, hire (certainly in retrospect). Sid was an extremely high risk/reward hire. There was certainly a chance that his NBA background would help on the recruiting trail and that some of the things he’d picked up there would translate well to the ACC. Of course, there was a significant risk that he would have no idea how to evaluate 17 yr old kids during limited interaction, have no idea how to distribute scholarships and, worst of all, have no idea how to relate to 18-22 yr old kids and teach them how to function effectively as a team. So far we’ve seen much of the downside risk manifest itself with little of the upside. I do think his NBA background helped land JJ (maybe for the wrong reasons) and I think some our execution late last year was a result of his being able to call set plays when guys are playing w/ confidence and he has a capable floor leader.

  23. BillyVest 02/28/2008 at 11:31 AM #

    Getting the attention of major programs is a fickle process. Coach K would not have sniffed the ACC, if not for the recommendation of Bobby Knight. Dean Smith was Johny on the spot, when McGuire stepped down after the recruiting scandals. Roy Williams got the Kansas job because of Dean’s recommendation. Lavin got the UCLA job because, he, like Dean just happened to be at the right place at the right time. Guillen, for example, had a stellar resume before taking over at UVa. Other than Jeff Capell, the rest of Coach K’s “kids” have fizzled as head coaches. Hard to say how prior experience or pedigree will translate to coaching in the ACC or elsewhere.

    Whittenburg took over a 2 win team,at Fordham, and by year four they had a winning record overall and a winning conference record. I think that’s pretty good coaching.

    It’ll be interesting to see how he does long term at Fordham. He’s having a down year for whatever reason this year, but so far he’s done better there than any other coach has done in a long time.

    He’s as qualified to coach in the ACC as other folks, who landed head coaching jobs in the conference. The real issue is why was he so vigoroulsy ignored in the coaching search. Read somewhere he was too closely linked to Valvano and / or rubbed some folks at the WPC the wrong way 20 years ago.

  24. tobaccordshow 02/28/2008 at 11:32 AM #

    I, too, reached acceptance. I didn’t even tune in. I didn’t bother. Why? Because the writing is on the wall. There is no reason, no rhyme, no nothing. It’s emptiness. A satisfying emptiness that only comes with acceptance: you will always be the bottom rung of Tobacco Road basketball; you will always underachieve; you will always be the red-headed step child.

    But there’s a circular phenomena to the stages of grief that connects stage 5 to stage 1… and that is the dastardly emotion known as… hope… There’s always next year. There’s always another chance. And that, my friends, is the textbook definition of denial…

  25. Ed89 02/28/2008 at 11:34 AM #

    ^^Personally, I think Sid will be here in 3 years and beyond, so it’s mute point to talk about Whitt IMO.

    Let’s talk about the team, our disappointment, our stage of grief, etc., but I don’t think Sid is going anywhere for 2-3 years.

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