Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

With last night’s loss, it’s pretty clear that NC State will finish 4-12 in ACC play, with no post-season. We will finish last if Virginia wins one of its final four games.

Even so, I managed to watch last night’s game with a relaxed and calm demeanor. I don’t remember so much as a “damn it” coming from my mouth, or a scowl on my face. My 6-year old got pretty exasperated, but I assured her that everything was fine, and I was pretty used to it [losing] by now. This got knowing smiles from the other 2 people on my row.

It made me think about the “stages of grief” – I know almost nothing about psychology, but I do remember Lisa Simpson talking to Bart about it. I thought there were four, but turns out there are five. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Thanks, Wikipedia!

There was lots of denial during the non-conference games. Sure, I could see that there were problems, but we worked through them to win the Old Spice Classic, and swept the key stretch of games (Davidson, Cincy, Seton Hall) to mostly make up for debacles against New Orleans and East Carolina.

Then, anger. It definitely flared up when we lost to ECU, but that stage didn’t really begin until the Clemson game. For me, it peaked right after the home loss to Georgia Tech, which I noted was completely unacceptable. Many of my fellow Wolfpackers were still in denial, but here’s what I said:

Forget this happy crap. We just LOST AT HOME to an 8-9 team. We committed 18 turnovers and let our opponent shoot 59 percent from the field. That’s inexcusable. Full rant will be posted later.

I’m sorry, but I’ve had it up to here with sucking or near-sucking in every revenue sport, almost every single damned year.

Time would prove me right, with the Bees sitting at 4-8 in ACC play, 11-15 overall.

Next came bargaining. I point to my “path to 8-8” post. It seemed logical on its face, and laid out an “acceptable” path to make everything OK. Maybe not what we’d hoped in the preseason, but things would be mostly back on track. Was I fooling myself? Damn right. I didn’t even entertain the possibility of what actually happened over the next 6 games.

Then came depression – second half of the Maryland game and the meltdown at Boston College. Excruciating games to watch. It wasn’t mathematically impossible to get back on my “path”, but I knew in my gut that it wasn’t going to happen. There was still some anger, but mostly I just hung my head. I wrote off the 2007-08 season, and subconsciously started laying the groundwork for Stage Five.

And there I was at the RBC last night – fully immersed in acceptance. Let us know how your process is going in the comments.

About BJD95

1995 NC State graduate, sufferer of Les and MOC during my entire student tenure. An equal-opportunity objective critic and analyst of Wolfpack sports.

07-08 Basketball NCS Basketball Sidney Lowe

256 Responses to Stages of Wolfpack Grief – Where Are You?

  1. IMFletcherWolf 02/28/2008 at 9:28 AM #

    I have accepted it as well. I stayed fairly calm thru the majority of the game and even surprised myself. I am truly happy for Trevor or “Floppy” as a friend of mine calls him. He really stepped up last night as well as Tracy Smith. Most of my thoughts after the game were about the positives: Trevor, Tracy, etc, instead of the many negatives.

    BJD: My daughter referred to him as “that curly guy.”

  2. wesley 02/28/2008 at 9:28 AM #

    Acceptance. No doubt about it, I fully expected us to lose last night and wasnt mad at all when we did. The only thing that still makes me angry is that as a state fan, it seems like I have to go through this progession of greif almost every season with one of the major sports. Im sick and tired of saying and the end of fall, well at least we’ve got basketball season, only to be disappointed, or at the end of march to say at least we’ve got football, only to be disappointed. (though I do have hope for TOB and the coming years) Goodluck to all the boys this offseason I hope they can take advatage of it. Go pack.

  3. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 9:36 AM #

    Total acceptance. I’ve been thinking that we should part ways with Sid after this year but after last night I am changing how I look at this. I think it will be fascinating to see how a guy with no relevant experience and no demonstrated aptitude for the job handles such a dire situation.

    If you go to the games it is obvious that the coaches hate the players, the players hate the coaches and some of the players hate each other. It even looks like the coaches argue amongst themselves. I cannot recall a more dsyfunctional group in my years of watching the ACC and the only real parallel would be the doh years at unc-ch. Watching how Sid & Co. respond to this should be interesting. I am viewing it like a bad reality show on CW or something. Take a guy off the street and put him in an impossibly difficult situation and let the hilarity ensue. That’s where we are and that’s about the only entertainment value left. I think about some of those poor buffoons that try out for American Idol when I see Sid trying to coach this team.

    Now that Sid is openly throwing the players under the bus and not accepting any responsibility (hello, Chuck, nice shoes) I think the death spiral has begun in yr 2. Based on this course I can only imagine the things that will happen over the next 3 yrs as we hope that Sid figures it out. Given 5 yrs I think that Sid can end up making Les look like Red Auerbach. Since we clearly don’t aspire to greatness anymore (thanks Lee) I guess we take what we get.

    Of course, if we had a heart we’d cut Sid a nice check to spend a couple of years getting his family life together and then go back to anonymity as a 2nd assistant in the NBA. Instead we’ll keep him in this no-win situation that he is completely unprepared for. I think I’ll pop some popcorn.

  4. Sam92 02/28/2008 at 9:37 AM #

    indeed, there doesn’t seem to be any point to being infuriated at this point; i saw where this was heading a while back.

    pretty stinky sophomore effort by coach Lowe, and it doesn’t bode well, but i think the real time to evaluate his performance is the end of next season

  5. hoyawolf 02/28/2008 at 9:37 AM #

    as a wolfpack fan i cannot help but remain in anger…i am sure that pulling for state has taken years off my life.

  6. Pack84 02/28/2008 at 9:41 AM #

    I guess I’m at Stage Six – called the “let’s hurry and get this season over with and move on to the next………….” stage.

    This team has just flat out quit. Whose fault is it? I honestly don’t know but I suspect there’s plenty of guilt to go around here.

    My suggestion to Sid would be to install an off-season program that forces the returning players to work their butts off. Those who choose not to participate have two choices – turn in your scholly or, at best, find yourself a permanent seat at the far end of the bench. And make sure it’s comfortable – you’ll be spending the entire season there.

    In my mind next year is the critical year that will make or break Sid’s career here. I don’t mean I expect a national championship next year. But I DO expect that everybody on the team will all be pulling in the same direction and working their tails off. If Sid can’t at least accomplish that much next year it’s time to start looking elsewhere.

    BJD: Agree completely.

  7. Sweet jumper 02/28/2008 at 9:42 AM #

    I also want to go back to Reynolds. We have top engineering and architectural programs, and we should be able to figure out how to expand and renovate Reynolds and keep basketball on campus. This could be done while the men and women play their games at the RBC. As I remember, V’s vision for the new arena that became the RBC center was for the Centennial Campus rather than the Fairgrounds/Carter-Finley area.

  8. GoldenChain 02/28/2008 at 9:44 AM #

    Mike, I would say that the way to get non-performers to buck up isn’t to call them out in public. How does it make you feel when your boss calls you out in public?

    If Sid has been frustrated with their efforts then why doesn’t he sit their bu++s for a game. I think those of us in WP Nation would applaud him for doing that. At least that would demonstrate that he has sommmmeee…. kind of control over this team.
    Some of the substitutions have made zero sense to me. Tracy Smith has played better than anyone in the last few games but gets very few minutes. Let him start and let him play, he certainly couldn’t do any worse than our current forwards.

  9. disgruntledticketholder 02/28/2008 at 9:49 AM #

    Believe me, as a student who suffered through the 9 game skid in the Les years… this team is worse. Much worse.

    We will never compete with the Heels and the Dukies until we show the discipline and teamwork that they consistently put together.

  10. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 9:51 AM #

    You guys do know that moving back to Reynolds will never happen, right? If you are saying that you wish it were somehow possible then I can understand that but if you are actually hoping it will happen at some point then you will be disappointed. That will NEVER happen for about a million reasons.

  11. Classof89 02/28/2008 at 9:52 AM #

    Ahh, looks like the delusional fans are well into the process of transferring their vastly overinflated expectations to the football team. Look, I think Tom O’Brien is going to get it done, but I have news for you dispirited hoops fans: football isn’t going to satisfy your craving for wins this year.

    I see no reason to believe that breaking in a new guy at Quarterback is going to go any better than breaking in a new guy at point guard went this winter. Given our schedule and our significant shortcomings at several key positions, matching last year’s 5-7 mark will be a tremendous accomplishment.

    Therefore, I suggest you find some other way of dealing with your basketball grief, or you’re going to be in here this November singing the same song, different verse.

    Oh…one more thing…it ain’t going to be baseball either…anyone here at Avent’s uninspiring performance at the Raleigh Sports Club a couple of weeks ago?

  12. Rochester 02/28/2008 at 9:52 AM #

    I’m still not buying that these guys have been coached how to play basketball the proper way. Sid can say he’s told them what to do and prepared them, but the proof is on the court and they look lost. I don’t think they are purposely sabotaging the season, so that leads me to believe they honestly don’t know what the heck they’re doing out there.

    With this much internal strife, it’s only logical we’ll see defections. Careful what we wish for there. If we lose too many guys we’ll be back where we were last year, with a six-pack. When they run Bartosz through a physical to see if there’s any chance he can un-retire then we know we’re doomed.

    In one sense the next coaching search might not be as difficult. We were coming off a string of 5 straight NCAA tourney appearances, which some guys might have considered a tough act to follow, especially given that we all wanted more. If Sid takes this bus from the ditch to over the cliff next year, any potential coach out there will figure they can certainly do better.

  13. WendellPackster 02/28/2008 at 9:52 AM #

    Last stage: “Over it” until NC State sports proves SOMETHING! Win a damn title in a revenue sport you losers!

  14. packof81 02/28/2008 at 9:53 AM #

    I accept that the season is done, that we’ll probably lose the last 2 games and be one and done in the ACC tournament. I accept that Sid’s got some pouting players who don’t care and are defeated before they walk on the court. I accept that maybe Sid’s in over his head.

    What I do not accept is that it has to be this way. NCSU is the biggest school in the UNC system in terms of enrollment. Why do we have 2nd and 3rd rate Football and Basketball teams? Insanity has been defined as doing the same things while hoping for different results. It’s time to stop the insanity.

  15. partialqualifier 02/28/2008 at 9:57 AM #

    I actually think when ur talking about sports there should be a stage 5b: Acceptance with laughter!

    I am actually at that stage. The only other time I ever was at this stage was during the last 2 seasons of Les Robinson. I had accepted that we sucked….and always were gonna suck so long as he was coach…so I began to almost enjoy the losing and embracing it. Then I would listen to the post-game just to see how ridiculous our coach would sound at trying to describe why we sucked. This would always bring laughter. Then my brother and I would discuss the comments…bringing even more disgust and laughter!

    With ths team I ahve reached that point. I am predicting how we would suck…watching it play out…listening to our coach stumble thru post game with one ridiculous excuse after another…then I call my brother and we laugh at the insanity of rooting for NC STate!

  16. swedish 02/28/2008 at 9:59 AM #

    im at stage 7….cant wait for football season

  17. caniac45 02/28/2008 at 10:05 AM #

    im at stage 7….cant wait for football season

    i think that’s our basketball teams attitude too.

  18. 44legend 02/28/2008 at 10:09 AM #

    anger

  19. Rochester 02/28/2008 at 10:09 AM #

    What stage is it where we get to read the tell-all book about the turmoil and in-fighting? (And will there be more than one book?)

  20. blackdom 02/28/2008 at 10:11 AM #

    jj hit for 9 last night,guess he moved up lottery wise??

  21. blackdom 02/28/2008 at 10:11 AM #

    jj hit for 9 last night,guess he moved up lottery wise??

  22. Stoner 02/28/2008 at 10:13 AM #

    Because of the loss of 2/3 of an incoming recruiting class and the the early departure of 2/3 of another recruiting class, we were left without a lot of depth. Sid tried to grab some bodies to fill the gaps and it hasn’t worked out. We have some serious problems talent wise, as well as the other problems on this team. A Stephon Marbury or Chris Paul could probably mask over some of these problems, but they are there none the less.

    I’ve gone from wanting fire Sid yesterday to resolved to see how the 2009 recruiting class shakes out. Next year is lost, for all intensive purposes, in my opinion. I just want to see a cohesive team, playing hard, next year.

    We have to wait and see if he can get an impact class in for 2009 and 2010. Sad part is Sid and Monte really do want NCSU to do well and aren’t looking at this job as a stepping stone. I just wish Sid would own up to making mistakes and not getting players ready. Hell, Roy whined about UNC’s performance in the second half, against us, in Chapell Hill, because we shot more than 50% for the half and felt he needed emphasize defense more.

    Be interesting to see how many players transfer or leave early, because they have their degrees, since this is the only way we free up enough scholarships to get an impact class for ’09.

  23. Par Shooter 02/28/2008 at 10:13 AM #

    This really is very similar to Les’ later years. The biggest differences are that Les had demonstrated some success as a college coach and actually had better credentials when he got here and that folks seemed to generally like Les and protect him for personal reasons. Les also came in under much more difficult circumstances.

  24. Dr. BadgerPack 02/28/2008 at 10:14 AM #

    “I see no reason to believe that breaking in a new guy at Quarterback is going to go any better than breaking in a new guy at point guard went this winter.”

    Just for fun, 1 reason it may turn out differently is there exists the possibility the quarterback being broken in will be a 4-star, highly rated QB who shined brightly in “All-Star” competition.

    “Oh…one more thing…it ain’t going to be baseball either…anyone here at Avent’s uninspiring performance at the Raleigh Sports Club a couple of weeks ago?”

    Well, baseball will again be middle of the road- primarily because Avent seems to believe pitching wins championships. That’s a great model to follow in professional baseball. Not-so-much in college, where aluminum bats mean if you can’t score, you can’t consistently win. Avent’s teams are following a trend of stellar pitching, anemic offense. It doesn’t help matters that the offensive studs he does recruit have no intention of going to college– Justin Upton for example (sure does make that recruiting class look good, though…)

    As for the rest of the basketball season, how about acceptance with some fun? Perhaps a drink per turnover. Announcer says State needs a PG? Take a swig. Give up an offensive board? Put ‘er down. Opponent hits a three with the shot clock expiring? Imbibe. Camera pans to a constipated-looking Sidney Lowe on the sideline? Cuervo time!

  25. beowolf 02/28/2008 at 10:22 AM #

    I reached acceptance a while back. However, I am still totally unsure as to the Cause of Death this season.

    As others said above, I’m a little concerned when a coach calls out his players in public like that. However, at this stage I’m in favor of whatever radical procedure can be done to get things on track. And honestly, I can’t help but wonder if Lowe isn’t starting a process to justify some off-season changes. Obviously I don’t know anything about this; I am speculating.

    I am at a loss for what has happened this season. And those who think they have the definitive answer, well, none have been very compelling. There are just too many questions. I think it’s a huge cluster**** of poor off-season management, player hubris, a key injury at already the weakest position, terrible leadership, no ability to face adversity (whether it’s sitting on the bench or facing a deficit), on and on and on.

    The more I think, the more reasons I find, and the more interrelated they all seem. It could be there is one or two factors that have kinked this process up into a tangled ball. Who knows?

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