I never thought it possible that the media could love USC more, but it’s happened. And why? Because they almost, no make that should have, lost another game.
Now the “Greatest Offense Ever� supposedly scripted a comeback win in the “Greatest Game Ever�. I fully expect that if USC does lose a game the headlines will read “USC Masterminds the Greatest Loss Ever�. They may even get more votes in the polls for losing one.
To put things in perspective, USC beat a Notre Dame team, which while greatly improved, has exactly one win over a team with a winning record. That’s right, Notre Dame’s marquise win is a 7 point victory over 4 – 3 Michigan.
So, how long has this USC lovefest been going on? Here’s a little parody that I wrote prior to the 2004 season.
By EDDIE PELLS, AP Sports Writer
LOS ANGELES, CA (AP) – In an unprecedented move, the Associated Press awarded USC the national title through the 2010 football season. According to Tom Lemming of ESPN.com, “based on the recruiting that they’ve had at USC over the last two years, it was a no brainer, a great decisionâ€?. USC has had several, highly rated recruiting classes including being ranked at or near the top two full years in a row. Prior to the 2002 season, USC had been holding back on the field (averaging just 6 wins from 1996 through 2001) and in recruiting (with only 1 consensus top 10 recruiting class from 1997 through 2001), however, the trajectory of the program under Pete Carroll was apparently obvious to the voters.
Based on interviews with some of the voters, no one felt that USC could finish worse than first. “Look, even if they lose a couple of games, we know they’re the best team. It just seems like a waste of time for me to have to actually watch the games and make reasonable decisions about which team to vote for� said Bruce Feldman “I’m mean c’mon, they play in the Pac 10. Who’s going to beat them, Cal?� When reminded that Cal actually did beat USC in 2003, Feldman responded “how hot is Leinhart’s girlfriend…, I mean wow!�
While most voters seemed to agree, one AP voter was irate at the announcement.
“What about Miami (Ohio) and Northern Illinois?� objected Trev Alberts “Northern Illinois beat three teams from BCS conferences last year and one of them actually had a winning season,� noting that unlike Iowa State (2 wins) and Alabama (4 wins), Maryland had a winning season in 2003.
While Alberts did acknowledge that the one year dynasty that USC has created is unparalleled in football history, he said that both Northern Illinois and Miami (Ohio) were poised to dethrone USC. “Look at Miami (Ohio), sure, it’s in Ohio, but players get the best of both worlds. It’s like South Beach, but with Midwestern girls. They’re going to out recruit everyone.�
BCS officials supported the vote. When asked about the role of the computers in the selection process, one BCS official angrily asked “have you seen I-Robot? We can’t trust them with our lives, much less the outcome of the college football season.� Former SEC Commissioner and BCS mastermind Roy Kramer indicated that while he still wasn’t quite sure what a computer was, he felt that computers, along with color television, would have a great impact on college football and the world in general.
In a related story, rumors abound that USC alum O.J. Simpson secretly paid Johnny Cochran to arrange the vote. A caddie, who wished to remain anonymous, stated that he witnessed O.J. tell Mr. Cochran that he would give him the reward money that he had offered to find the “real killer� of his wife if he could convince the AP to make USC the champs for the rest of the decade. O.J. is said to have joked that “if you can get me off, this should be a piece of cake.�
