Top ten reasons UNC’s NOA was not released Friday

 

10.  Not enough Sharpies in Chapel Hill to do all the necessary redacting.

9.  It decided to spend the weekend at a lesbian festival in Miami.

8.  Tutors home for the summer.  Nobody left in football program who can read.

7.  It got mixed in with the parking tickets.

6.  Butch does not know where the fax machine is.

5.  It got tied up and assaulted by two fat hookers.

4.  Original “Friday” report originated from Kenan Stadium’s “Official Crowd Size Guesser” — estimate off by over 10,000 days.

3.  Baddour fed it to Ramses.

2.  There was a “glitch” in the letter’s sign-out sheet system.

1.  Everyone was at Greg Little’s party.